In this episode of The Self-Confidence Project, I’m diving into what makes men truly attractive in today’s dating world. I talk about how modern dating requires us to shift away from traditional rules and roles, and how men can redefine what it means to lead in relationships. It’s not about dominance—it’s about self-awareness, emotional stability, and leading with clarity. I also unpack the confusion and frustration that so many men are feeling in today’s dating landscape, and I offer practical guidance on how to adapt and thrive.
P.S. If you’re a man navigating dating after divorce, don’t go it alone. My free masterclass was made for you—learn how to rebuild confidence, attract the right women, and avoid common post-divorce mistakes. Watch it here.
Ready for tailored support? Book your 1:1 dating strategy call with me and let’s map out your next steps.
And as always, subscribe, leave your comments, and join the conversation—this is a space for growth, insight, and connection. See you next week,
Kimberly
Here’s the transcript:
Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of The Self-Confidence Project. I’m your host, Kimberly, and today I’m gonna talk about what the most attractive men know about dating today, the most attractive men. Now, if you’re out there dating and you’re finding it confusing, you’re doing what you feel is everything, right?
But you are still getting ghosted. You’re getting flaked on, you are getting stuck in the friend zone with women, and maybe you’re not even attracting women at all. Then one of the main contributors is that you are living by old rules for dating and for women that no longer. Apply Now, the most attractive men today understand that modern dating and modern women are different.
And what they have done is they have redefined what it means to lead in the modern dating world. And once you do the same women are gonna feel it. They’re gonna begin to trust you. They’re gonna be very drawn to you. Now, before I dive into this today, if [00:01:00] you’re, if you’re new to this channel, welcome aboard.
If you’ve been following my. Show for a while, or you were listening to the podcast before I put it up on YouTube, and you’re noticing that dating is just feeling a little confusing. You’re overwhelmed. Maybe you’re burnt out or even getting jaded and you’re just not having results and you don’t understand why.
Then I want to just invite you to book a complimentary call with me. Uh, we’ll see if coaching is the right type of support for you. And you can be like many of my other clients who have gone on to have deeply loving relationships that don’t even need to worry about dating anymore because they found someone that they can have fun with, have intimacy with, and all the things that we genuinely crave as a human being.
Um, and you can find the link to book a call that’s convenient for you in the show notes here of the podcast Now. What I really wanna highlight is that the traditional roles aren’t holding up in modern reality, and let’s break it down. Okay. So in the past, men were largely expected to be the providers.[00:02:00]
For women that you guys were the protectors of women, you were the pursuers of women, and you were really taught to stay on the extreme side of stoicism. Um, very emotionally reserved, and you didn’t really express your emotions. And that was traditional. And traditionally, women were expected to be very nurturing of their households and children.
They were expected to be very submissive to their husbands, to their fathers. They, uh, raised the kids and they would rely financially on a man. Okay, so the roles, while they were rigid, in many ways, the relationship dynamics. Were clear, even if you can argue that they weren’t always necessarily healthy.
Now you fast forward to 2025. It’s July 3rd as I’m recording this, okay. And. Women are independent. Women are more emotionally aware. They’re earning their own incomes and they’re not in a [00:03:00] rush to settle down. So if you are approaching modern dating with I need to fix everything. I need to pay for everything.
I need to lead everything, and I need to suppress how I feel, then that is not attractive to women anymore. In fact, it feels very off putting for women, and it’s not because you men aren’t good men. It’s not because you’re doing too much, it’s because you are doing the wrong things for this modern dating world.
And here’s where a lot of this confusion lies. I wanna kind of. Like contrast the old and the new. And in this tension between traditional roles and modern expectations, you might feel unsure who should be leading and who should be pursuing who. Who, right? Um, a woman might expect that you have initiative as you get to know her, but she certainly doesn’t want your dominance.[00:04:00]
So you’re walking this line and it’s very easy as a man to second guess yourself. Now, when it comes to the tension between old and new, with masculine and feminine energy conflicts, if you don’t have clear roles, polarity, right? And I talk about what polarity is on a different um, uh, video, but without clear roles, your polarity will fade.
And you might be a guy that has. You know, be interested in a woman, but you’re both really tapped into this masculine energy, and that feels like this power struggle between the two of you. And or maybe both of you are really tapped into that feminine energy and your relationship is feeling really passive and really unclear because maybe you’re the kind of guy that’s like, oh no, I’ll just go with the flow.
I just don’t wanna, you know, have conflict. I wanna make her happy and, no, no, it’s okay. I’ll cancel my thing that I had probably previously committed to, to, to make time for her that evening when it’s. Totally suitable and convenient for her. You don’t wanna do that. This, it’s very passive and [00:05:00] unclear energy.
And then there’s also cultural variations. So in some families and some communities, traditional roles are still deeply ingrained. But in others, these roles have been completely rejected. And you might be dating a woman with very different expectations. Than yours. So what’s happening is a lot of backlash and a lot of modern dating burnout, and you probably are feeling disorientated.
Disoriented, right? Or you’re feeling disposable and you’re probably thinking like, no matter what I do or what I try, it just isn’t enough. What is going on? And at the same time, many modern women are feeling really overwhelmed by the pressure to do it all, to earn the, to earn incomes and buy their homes, but also be nurturing to then look really perfect, um, and then never need help from a man because God forbid, we rely on a man, right?
So the [00:06:00] result is. Both genders are feeling confused, unseen, and underappreciated. And you can see this highlighted in the extremes because you have this whole culture of men going their own way saying, we don’t need women. And then you have women saying like, I don’t need a man. And I mean, what’s going on?
Right? We’re, we’re, we’re seeing this, these extremes because we can’t figure out this healthy middle ground. So it’s not working anymore. Right. So what you might be doing as a man, if you are still a little bit ingrained with this traditional mindset is you’re trying to be the perfect gentleman. You’re always polite around women, and you’re never direct.
You are the kind of man that pays for every single date. You plan every move, and you believe that your effort is equaling attraction, or you’re a guy that suppresses his true [00:07:00] emotions because you do not wanna be perceived as weak or needy, or too much. So instead of actually feeling chemistry, women are fading away because women today are not looking for a 1950s provider.
They are looking for a partner, which is a man who understands himself, a man who leads with clarity. Okay? And a man who can create emotional safety. And the secret that most men are not learning is that yes, leadership is still very attractive. It just looks different now. , So leadership today is not about dominance.
You know, it’s not about control. It’s not about who is earning more income. It’s not about those things. Now there are men that are out there and they probably have [00:08:00] YouTube channels as well that are saying, it’s all about dominance. You gotta control a woman. You gotta, you gotta outearn her. You gotta be better than her in absolutely every single way so that she looks up to you.
And that’s do dominating a woman. And most women are going to, unless she’s so submissive, she doesn’t have a voice. ’cause she’s traumatized, which is the type of woman that will end up in that relationship. A modern woman who has. A modicum of intelligence is gonna be disgusted by that kind of behavior, so she doesn’t wanna be dominated, right?
What she is looking for from a man who is demonstrating leadership that has self-awareness, you understand yourself. That means you understand what you like, what you don’t like, what you’re looking for, what you’re not looking for, what your values are, how you live in them. You understand your strengths and your weaknesses.
These types of things, right? You understand how others perceive you. Self-awareness, internal and external. You know what your values are, you know the things and [00:09:00] the the code that you live by. I. What are the the values that you have as a man, right? It’s about men today that can make great decisions and do so calmly and clearly not while being a pompous ass, right?
And it’s about a man who can be very present in his own energy. Isn’t trying to perform all the time or impress a woman is dancing around like a clown. Okay? So when you show up like that, you’re self-aware, you understand your values. You are clear and calm in your decision making, and you can be in your body.
You’ve practiced your awareness of yourself. When you show up like that, women feel your grounded energy. They’re going, wow, this is a man that I can actually feel safe to open up to because he’s not dancing around like a performance monkey or. Beating his chest like a gorilla, right? So she goes, wow, this man has such nice, grounded energy.
I feel safe to open up to him. I respect the direction [00:10:00] and the decisions he’s making in his life. He’s making good decisions, right? And I wanna actually follow this man’s lead, not because he’s demanding it, be because he’s so. Rooted in who he is. I feel inspired by this man, and despite the fact that I’m a woman who is tapped into a lot of masculine energy to build an empire and a business and be on the law courts and do all this stuff, I still feel like when I’m with my partner, I can follow his lead.
I trust him. I trust him to be safe, and I trust him to make good decisions. So how can you. Be this kind of man. Genuinely, it’s not an overnight switch. And waking up tomorrow, I’m now a grounded man. It’s practicing leading with intention, not hesitation. So I’d love to see you again. Does Thursday or Saturday work better?
Don’t leave everything super [00:11:00] vague. Oh, you know. Yeah, well, whenever you’re free or Yeah, sure, we can get together as soon as you’re done. All those other things that are a bigger priority than getting to know me. Yeah, sure. Like whatever, I’ll be super passive. I wouldn’t wanna even upset you one iota.
Right? So there’s so many men that are so, so passive and women go like, okay, well alright, well if he’s happy to wait, I’m happy to let him wait. Right? So you wanna leave with intention, not hesitation. Let it be known what you’re looking for. Once you’ve built, once you’ve built a connection with a woman.
So that she knows that you know what you want. Okay? Now, it’s also hugely important men, and this is a radical mindset shift that you need to choose women, not just chase them. So you have to know what you value in a woman, not try to win over every woman. And I know a lot of you’re thinking, well, I don’t want many women coming my way.
So when I do have like a beautiful woman that shows interest in me, I try and clinging to that. And I really can’t stress this [00:12:00] enough that if you, if you’re just hanging onto any woman that comes your way. You are giving off very desperate energy. It’s really about being intentional and choosing a woman who is right for you, who’s gonna not just fit into your life like a perfect puzzle piece and not cause any conflict, but is actually going to encourage you to become the best version of yourself, even if you’re 67 or 80 years old.
It’s never, it’s never too late to continue improving who you are. Relationships aren’t supposed to be like, I have to find a perfect person. That doesn’t create any ripple in my day. You wanna know what you value in a woman, and if you value intelligence, then you’re gonna be choosing a woman who also challenges you.
So to lead in modern dating, you need to also understand how to ground yourself emotionally. And this doesn’t mean you’re an emotionless. Sack of beans, it means you are emotionally steady. It means when a woman is unsure, you’re not like [00:13:00] having a a, a tantrum or you’re super thrown off because she’s unsure about something.
And when you are emotionally grounded. If a woman says, Hey, I need a little space, or I wanna do something with my friends this weekend, you don’t spiral outta control because she needs some time for herself. You stay centered. This is what modern, attractive men are doing, and none of this has to do with how much you earn or what you look like.
Those things help. Obviously those things help just as much as a woman’s beauty helps you get attracted to her. We always have these particular superficial things that we are interested in, but we never will stick around. You aren’t gonna stick around for a beautiful woman. If she’s the worst woman you’ve ever spent time with, or super toxic or draining to you, you’re gonna be like, she’ll become so unattractive to you.
The same thing. Uh, you know, you could date a man who’s as wealthy as can be, or as tall and slim, as attractive of as a runway model who. Is not an emotionally [00:14:00] safe place as if I’m gonna stick around or women are gonna stick around. So understand guys, that your role is not to rescue or to entertain women.
She does not need you to fix her life or put on a show. In fact, because women have become so capable in so many ways, if you’re still trying to show up at that, I’ll fix you and save you energy. Um, she’s just going to repel from that because she’s probably feeling like you’re diminishing all of the things she’s worked very hard for.
So what she needs to feel is that you understand yourself, that you’re not afraid of a woman’s strength and that you are choosing her not. Performing for her. What a big difference between choosing and performing. So if you have been struggling with modern dating, it’s not that you’re broken, it’s just that a lot of us, especially if we’re reentering the dating [00:15:00] world after a 30 year marriage, you are likely working from an outdated understanding of.
What modern dating looks like and the most attractive men have learned how to evolve, and they blend beautiful masculine strength with a softness and they have great direction, but flexibility, you can be firm and fair. Right, like, don’t be afraid to upset a woman, okay? And you have confidence in yourself and in your abilities, but you can express it with humility.
It’s not bravado, it’s confidence. And you’re leading, you’re not impressing. And so, so many men. Get anxious that they’re running outta time, that they’re getting older. They don’t have what they feel that they have when they were younger. And so they start to try and convince women that they’re a great catch.
And this is where it all breaks down when you start getting into this, um, energy of I need [00:16:00] to convince somebody that I’m worthy. Um, well, of course when women recognize that that’s what you’re doing, they go like, Hmm, uh, I’m not sure I feel comfortable around that energy. So when you redefine leadership by your own terms, dating becomes a lot more clear.
Chemistry is going to return and you’re gonna stop chasing, you will start attracting great women. Okay? Until next time guys.
