In this episode of The Self-Confidence Project, I dive into one of the most frustrating aspects of modern dating: mixed signals. I start by setting the scene with a familiar scenario, that moment when a man begins to overthink everything after what felt like a promising first date. I break down why mixed signals happen, how to read them accurately, and how to respond with confidence without compromising your self-worth. I share key insights on how to spot genuine interest versus polite disinterest, how to navigate inconsistent communication, and why maintaining your self-respect and clear boundaries is essential.
P.S. If you’re a man navigating dating after divorce, don’t go it alone. My free masterclass was made for you—learn how to rebuild confidence, attract the right women, and avoid common post-divorce mistakes. Watch it here.
Ready for tailored support? Book your 1:1 dating strategy call with me here and let’s map out your next steps.
See you next week,
Kimberly
Here’s the transcript:
Hey guys. Welcome back to the Self-Confidence Project. I’m your host, Kimberly. Let’s please talk about something that pretty much every man has experienced if he’s out there dating after what feels like a promising first date. So I’m gonna set the scene, okay. You had a great time with this woman.
You felt like there was chemistry. And when you think about the date, well, you notice that she was smiling, that she laughed throughout the evening, and you both said to each other that you would talk soon and then radio silence or a really delayed text from her. And suddenly you, like many men are overthinking every little detail of this date.
Now you get stuck in this. Post date haze, and you’re asking yourself, did I read the evening wrong? Is this woman really into me [00:01:00] or was she just being polite to me and should I text her again? Or what would that seem desperate? And if you’ve ever been trapped in this mental loop, then you are not alone.
And in today’s video, that’s what I’m unpacking. We’re gonna decode one of the most frustrating aspects of modern dating. Which is mixed signals. We’re gonna talk about what they actually mean, why they happen, and how you can respond like a very grounded, confident man instead of letting it mess with your self-worth.
So why is it so darn confusing? Now, let’s start with the obvious. Modern dating is murky at best, and apps, dating apps have made it very convenient and a lot easier to meet people. However, it has made it harder to build [00:02:00] momentum. Apps have made it so that there’s more choice out there, but there’s less commitment.
And it’s made it so that there can be more contact, but less clarity. And guess what? Mixed signals they thrive in that space. So here’s what’s really happening after a date, you are a human being, at least today. Who knows where we’re going in this crazy world. But what’s happening is your nervous system has lit up.
You are excited. Naturally, you’re hopeful you’re out there dating because you want a particular outcome, but what’s happening underneath that is fear. There’s this fear of being too much. There’s a fear of misreading the dating space. There’s a fear of being rejected if you show a woman genuine interest, and there’s a lot of fear of being a divorced man.
[00:03:00] Dating again, and there’s this fear of not knowing what you’re doing and maybe being found out as a result. And so when you don’t hear from this woman you’ve been on a date with right away, what happens is it amplifies your fear. And instead of staying grounded, most of us start to spiral. Okay? And we pick up our phone and we start rereading and analyzing those text.
And we start replaying the moments on our date and we start doing what’s called assigning meaning to silence. We try to fill in the gaps with our own minds because we don’t like sitting in the unknown. We don’t. We don’t like the unknown. Humans don’t like the unknown invites anxiety, but here is the truth.
Mix signals are. A reflection of someone else’s emotional unavailability, [00:04:00] not your self-worth. Mixed signals are a reflection of where somebody else is not your self-worth. So let’s get specific. Let’s talk about spotting some of these subtleties in body language, in communication cues. Okay. Here are clear signs of interest from a woman on a date.
She maintains very open body language, which means she’s facing you throughout the date or if she’s sitting next to you, she’s leaning in. And this subtle, natural mirroring of movements, movements takes place. So you might lean in on the date and then slightly after she might do the same. And you, you might not.
Super, super recognize this in the moment, but what you’re noticing is like there’s a sense of this familiarity. I move. You move. We move, we move. I dip. You dip. We dip. Okay. She’s also gonna ask [00:05:00] follow up questions, which means that she is genuinely curious about your life. Not just blobbing about her own, or you’re just blobbing about your life and there’s no kind of like, you know, mix of conversation If you share something like, oh yeah.
Like I, I, I used to play a lot of basketball growing up. She’d be like, oh, cool. What position were you? She’s gonna follow up. She’s gonna wanna know more. Versus like, oh, cool. Eh, I’m not into the sky, so I’m not really giving the energy of asking more questions. So she’s going to ask follow up questions and be very open.
If she’s comfortable and interested in getting to know you. She’s also going to laugh easily and she’s gonna make physical contact like touching your arm, and at the end of the date, she will not rush the goodbye. Okay. That’s a really important one, right? And that might mean that she goes in for a long hug or long embrace versus like a quick pat.
Pat, okay, spin. Bye. See you later. It’s like, oh, I couldn’t wait to [00:06:00] get out of here. Okay. And then she’s gonna mention things to you like, oh my God, next time we should, we should totally come back here and order the freaking lobster Monet. Or, have you ever been to that cute little wine bar down the road?
Now this is a woman’s way of subtly inviting a second encounter. So these are signs of interest, and it doesn’t mean that she knows with a hundred percent certainty she’s super romantically into you. It’s that there’s enough interest for her to want more of you, which means she’s open to seeing you again.
Now, let’s contrast this with subtle signs of disinterest. So a big one is body language. If a woman turns her body away from you, leans back, crosses her arms, or she really does keep that physical space between you large, it’s because she isn’t comfortable and doesn’t like you and doesn’t wanna get close to you and [00:07:00] doesn’t wanna give you the wrong idea.
So she’ll keep a distance. Okay? And if she has a purse, legitimately, if a woman has a purse. She won’t even realize it. Maybe, or maybe she will, but she will put that purse. This is my purse. She will put that purse in between you. It is a blockade. Her purse is protecting her. Okay. She’ll also have pretty surface level answers, so you might be like, ah, it’s really hard to like get something out of this woman.
’cause she doesn’t ask a whole lot back because women will kind of shut down when they’re not interested and so she’s not gonna give that beautiful feminine energy. She’s just gonna be like very short, very curse, and like be like, Hmm, cool, okay. And then you’re gonna be like, wow, it’s really hard to make conversation with this lady.
Maybe I need to work on my small talk, but takes two to tango. She’s also going to use tools as distraction, so maybe her napkin, she’ll like, you know, distract herself so she doesn’t have to look at you for a minute. She’ll dab her face or she’ll pick up her phone [00:08:00] and she might be like, oh, it’s getting late.
Or some shit like that. Right. Um, and so she’ll glance around the room a lot because she’s kind of like, that’s how we fe disinterest. We’re just like, you know when you’re sitting in a really long lecture and you’re like not that interested, you stop looking at the person giving a lecture. You start like noticing the exit signs, right?
That’s what happens when we’re not interested and then there’s no conversations about next time. There’s just like, okay, well it was really nice to meet you. Had a nice time. Good night. Bye-bye. So here’s the nuance. Sometimes women are just going to try to be as polite as they can. Let’s not say they’re actually polite because maybe they’re raised to be what they think is ladylike, which is like not direct conflict.
So they’re not gonna be like, I’m not having a nice time and I don’t wanna be on the state and I don’t wanna see you again. She’s not gonna do that, right? But she’s gonna just be like, Hey, I had a really nice time. It was really nice to get to know you. And you’re thinking, oh, it was good to, nice to get to know me.
But that doesn’t [00:09:00] mean that she wants to see you again, right? So she might smile, she might laugh, she might be gracious, gracious, but that doesn’t mean, um, she’s really interested. And that’s where these subtleties can be difficult because politeness can look and feel sometimes like warmth. But that is, that’s why the body language and the follow through after the date is gonna matter so much more than momentary charm.
So the big tip I want you guys to think about is. Women that are curious about you make room for you physically. Time in time on text. They will make room and space for you if they are curious about you. So let’s decode these hot and cold mixed signal scenarios that are pretty common. Let’s look at three classic examples that I hear from my my male clients all the time.
Numeral [00:10:00] Uno, the enthusiastic woman, the enthusiastic texter, who then disappears. So maybe she’s really responsive to you one day and you’re like, I feel on top of the world. But then she vanishes for like a whole day without any explanation. She like, leaves you on red and you’re like, oh, okay. Huh. Well, you know, and your, your brain’s going, well, maybe she just got busy and maybe I said something wrong and maybe I should text her again or.
I don’t know. Maybe I, maybe I offended her. And then you get all in your head. But if a woman’s really responsive one day and not responsive another day, then she is giving you inconsistency. Okay? Number two, you have a great in-person vibe, but it doesn’t translate. It’s not carrying over. So you had great chemistry on the date, or you feel you had great chemistry, you were laughing.
This woman seemed really engaged. Pardon me? It’s early in the morning. Need to have a sip of coffee.
[00:11:00] Okay. All this talking great in-person, vibe doesn’t carry over, so great chemistry. I got a frog in my throat. You’re laughing. She seems engaged. Maybe it’s a sexy, raspy voice, but now her replies are lukewarm and they’ve gone very vague when you try and plan another date. So you’re thinking this woman really likes me on the date, but now she doesn’t really like me, but I need to try harder.
But no, you don’t need to try harder. It’s um, if a woman liked you, she’d make space for you. So thank you for listening through the frog. There’s also the common scenario of. She’s really friendly and warm. She replies to you, but she never fricking initiates. And I’m not talking like one or two days after your first date.
I’m talking, you’ve been talking now and you realize it’s been a few weeks and you’re the one doing 100% of effort. So the key insight here is inconsistency [00:12:00] is a message. And it might not be the message that you want to hear, but it’s still communication. So sometimes it’s because there’s internal conflict on her end.
Sometimes it’s because it’s emotional avoidance and sometimes it’s because she’s just not that into it. But she doesn’t really know how to tell you. And she doesn’t wanna be unkind, and she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. So she’s trying to subtly give you the hint that she’s not interested by widening the gap between when you saw her and when you hear from her, when you hear from her, and when she agrees to maybe see you again.
Because she still doesn’t know how to tell you no. So I don’t want you to go like, oh, I knew something was off. Or Listen to every. Tiny little alarm bell that goes off in your system because sometimes that’s your own fear speaking and, and so what you need to do is [00:13:00] assess over a little bit of time because if you haven’t dated for a while and you go on a date with a woman, you’re naturally gonna have a little bit of anxiety there.
And you don’t wanna be like, I’m feeling anxiety. This must be not the right woman for me. And then blow the whole thing up. You don’t wanna act out of fear. Her. What you do want to recognize is over time, over a period of time with someone, if you’re noticing a pattern of behavior and a pattern of behavior for her, could be a lot of inconsistencies, um, then you might say to yourself, this isn’t feeling good.
This isn’t just a spike of anxiety. It’s, I’m not feeling good about this interaction, and so therefore I need to protect my peace and move on. So what is your next move here? Right. So might be saying, okay, well I’ve been in this situation, but I don’t really know what to do, and this is how you can get clarity without kind of coming across as desperate.
So how can you as a man actually respond to a level of ambiguity without feeling like you’re chasing down a woman? And you don’t ask for permission. You lead [00:14:00] with grounded clarity. And what I mean by that is just make a low stake specific invitation. If you’re not quite sure where you stand with a woman, then just say, Hey, I’m checking out, um, a new taco spot this Thursday.
Are you in? Okay. If she is interested, she will respond to that with enthusiasm and she will make space in her schedule. And even if she can’t do that Thursday, she’ll tell you she can do Friday. If she can’t do that Thursday because she has her kids or she’s. Working or she has a night shift, she will let you know another time that she can, because a woman that’s interested in you will make space for you.
Now, if she is vague, she avoids committing or suddenly gets really busier. My family’s in town or I’m just really slammed at work right now. That is your clarity. And guys, I know that you wish women would just hand you clarity on a silver platter and say, I’m just not into you. Don’t waste your time. But women are not raised to communicate that way.
[00:15:00] Women won’t say no outright. Instead, they will close the space between you subtly. It’s frustrating, but just look out for that and that might look like agreeing to hang out with you, but then canceling last minute. Often more than once. It might look like taking longer and longer to reply to you or being very non-committal when you suggest plans.
So, hey, would you like to check out that taco place on Thursday? Oh yeah, that sounds like a nice idea. But then she doesn’t actually say yes. So you’re thinking, did she say yes? Did I ask her wrong? Don’t get in your head about it. You’re not really doing anything wrong if a woman is inconsistent. You think it was reflecting on your inability to communicate with a woman?
It’s her inability to communicate with you as well. So she might also say things like, Hey, that sounds really fun. What a great idea. Let me get back to you. And then finds out that she just never gets back to you. Now, this is a woman’s distance. [00:16:00] This distance is a woman’s way of saying no without having to say no.
And that is your cue as a man to stop investing because you don’t need to text. Are you feeling this connection or what happened here? Or whatever. Like the truth is, if a woman is into you, you won’t have to wonder. So let’s zoom out for a minute. At the heart of all of this mixed signal confusion is the relationship you have with yourself.
So it is tempting to say all women are like this, or this is the experience all men are gonna have with women and just throw women down the stairs. But at the heart of this is the relationship you have with yourself if you are not healed from your past divorce, if you are riddled with anxiety, if you overthink everything in your life.
Then your lower self-worth and lack of self-esteem is going to taint your dating experiences. [00:17:00] So the more self-worth that you carry, the less you will chase ambiguity, I promise you that. So when a woman gives you mixed signals, ask yourself, do I feel grounded after our interaction? Or am I always guessing where I stand?
If it’s the latter, that’s your body’s wisdom saying, this isn’t aligned, man. Move on. And you might think, well, I don’t have a lot of options, so I gotta make it work With a woman that comes your way, bad relationships take years off your life. So don’t go down that path. And boundaries guys are not about being closed or cold or, or, or closed off.
They’re about knowing when something is costing you, your peace of mind. So you deserve a woman who communicates clearly, who makes effort, who meets you halfway, um, and you will meet women that won’t do this on your journey. So it’s important that you [00:18:00] know the difference. And you don’t need to become this master decoder in mixed signals or silence or second guess.
Every message you se send what you need is clarity, your own confidence and good boundaries. When it comes to dating, get used to saying no to women too, or, Hey, this connection isn’t feeling great for. I need a little more consistency in my life. Bye. That’s called standing in your power. Now, if this is really difficult for you, um, and you, you want a little support with this, I get that a lot of people that are dating after divorce, you know, there’s a lot to heal from and a lot of clarity to, um, to seek.
And so if you feel called to go on that journey, you’re absolutely welcome to book a, a complimentary consultation with me to see if me and or coaching would be right for you. Um, it’s usually just a, a nice 45 minute conversation, getting to know one another to see if it’s right. If it is awesome, you can be like many of my other clients who are enjoying dating or getting clarity, who are [00:19:00] going on to meet amazing women, um, because they are out there and, uh, and, and building loving, loving relationships.
So. You’re welcome to book a call. Um, if not, would love to hear your thoughts. Drop a comment below and see you guys all next time. Ciao. I.
