When you see a man walk into a room and effortlessly talk to anyone, especially women who lean in and gravitate toward him, it can seem like magic. But here’s the truth: that magnetic pull isn’t luck, and it’s not something you’re born with. It’s called conversational charisma, and it’s a skill anyone can learn. In this video, I’m breaking down four practical tips (plus a few secret hacks) that will help you build conversational charisma both online and offline. If you’ve ever felt stuck on first dates, struggled with what to say in chats, or watched conversations fizzle after a few exchanges, this video is for you. I’ll show you how to move beyond “resume talk” and instead spark curiosity, share small but powerful stories, listen in a way that makes women feel special, and balance playful banter with meaningful depth. By the end of this video, you’ll not only know what to say, but also how to create the kind of feeling that makes women remember you and want to see you again.
And since tomorrow is my birthday, I’m sharing this as a little gift to you. Let’s blow off the conversational cobwebs and get you connecting with women in ways that feel natural, fun, and magnetic.
P.S. If you’re a man navigating dating after divorce, don’t go it alone. My free masterclass was made for you—learn how to rebuild confidence, attract the right women, and avoid common post-divorce mistakes. Watch it here.
Ready for tailored support? Book your 1:1 dating strategy call with me here and let’s map out your next steps.
See you next week,
Kimberly
Here’s the transcript:
You know that kind of guy that can walk into a room, he can pretty much talk to anybody, and women tend to naturally gravitate to him and lean in, right? This is not luck. This is what’s called. Energetic and conversational charisma, and what I’m gonna be sharing with you today is that this is not something you’re born with.
You might have seen somebody like this that kind of walks into the room and everybody looks at them and you think, wow. Like, I wish I was like that. Well, you can be because this is something you can learn. In fact, most things in life are learned skills, so. I want you to stick around because today I’m gonna be sharing with you four very practical tips, okay?
Plus a few secret little hacks that are gonna help you build magnetic, conversational charisma that will connect you with women online and offline. [00:01:00] And once you understand these things, and I know you’re gonna understand ’em, once you finish watching this video, you’re not gonna feel stuck wondering why connection conversations aren’t quite gelling.
And I know that that is an issue that many people have when they start dating again after a long-term relationship, a divorce, a separation. You know, you’ve, you’ve been through some traumatic things in your life. Breakups are, are, are not easy things to go through. And maybe that’s taken some of the. Pep out of your conversational ability.
Well, I wanna reinject that back into your life so you can really connect with women that you could truly see having a future with. And what I don’t wanna see happening is men that are getting back out there dating and getting their hopes up, but then things fizzle out in the very first conversation, or they fizzle out in the first.
Two exchanges on a dating app because you are going to get exhausted. You’re gonna keep [00:02:00] trying and things aren’t going to connect, and you’re gonna wonder what’s going on. You might even be tempted to blame the world or women for the bad luck that you’re having. But sometimes it has to do with just lacking a bit of conversational charisma because this is what’s actually gonna connect you to women.
Now, welcome to this channel. My name is Kimberly. I support good hearted men to attract deeply loving relationships and keep those relationships. And I’m excited today because the day that you’re gonna be watching this video is one day before my birthday. My birthday is tomorrow, and I wanted to put this episode out ’cause I wanted to give you guys.
Kind of a gift. I wanna give you some practical things to really think about that can really change how you talk and connect to women, because I know that you know this. This is maybe something you haven’t done for many years, especially if you’re dating again after a divorce. Maybe you haven’t really had to chat up a new woman in this way for many, many years.
And so this skill feels a little bit. Dusty. Well, let’s blow off those cobweb guys [00:03:00] so that you can really start connecting with women and move into having the relationship you desire. And then you don’t have to worry about dating anymore because you won’t be dating. You’ll be in the relationship that makes you feel fulfilled and, and happy and satisfied.
And that’s really what I want. I think we need more. We need, we, we need more happy relationships in this world. Okay, so I’m gonna share. Four practical tips today. A few secret hacks. You’re gonna stick around for those. Those are gonna come through at the end. That are really gonna help you build this conversational charisma that connects with women online and offline.
And again, once you know these things, you’re not gonna feel so stuck trying to connect to women online or let’s say on a date or a woman that maybe you are, uh, uh, talking to, um, not just, you know, the first approach, but a woman that maybe you’re sitting down having lunch with or you’re, you’re really having that opportunity to get into conversation now.
What the heck is conversational charisma? Like I just made up this world word, right. Well, conversational charisma is, [00:04:00] guys, it’s not about being the funniest guy in the room. It’s not about being the flashiest guy in the room. Um, you know, it’s, it’s not about any of those things. Conversational charisma has everything to do with making women feel something when they talk to you.
Not learn something. Feel something, okay. Not learn something. Feel something. Women get connected to men when they feel connected to men. They feel comfortable, they feel alive. Something opens up inside of them. So conversational charisma, guys, this is hugely important, is about making her feel something when she talks to you, and I’m gonna share how you can achieve that.
So if you want women to feel drawn to you, okay, it’s gonna start here. Now I’m gonna share four tips, but here’s the first one. Tip number one, [00:05:00] lead your conversations with curiosity. Never with a resume. Okay, now when I say this. Many men that are dating again after divorce or separation or long-term relationship, naturally, those are very traumatic things going through that is a very, very big life stressor.
It’s a very, very big change, and oftentimes it’s gonna knock your confidence down a little bit. Maybe you’re gonna feel a little insecure about certain things and you’re gonna. Feel like you’re probably carrying around this kind of ball and chain of baggage, the weight of this failed relationship. And so that might make you feel when you’re out there dating women, that I have to convince women that I’m not just this mass or this guy that’s been discarded or a loser.
You might be thinking these harsh things about yourself. And so what you do is you try to. Convince women that you’re a great catch because you say, well, I own my job and I, I’m an entrepreneur and I travel when I can and I have all these things and these are my hobbies and this is all the stuff that [00:06:00] I do.
And she’s gonna go like, okay, like, that’s great, but I’m here to connect with you, not for you to try and prove to me that you’re worth connecting to. You have to behave in the world, man, like you already are worth connecting to. And so when most men go out on early dates or early on, they kind of list off their achievements.
Almost as if they’re interviewing for the job of this woman’s boyfriend. Uh, I’ve been in finance for 20 years. I own my home. I travel when I can. I used to play tennis, right? Impressive. I don’t know. Memorable. Certainly not. And what I wanna highlight here is that many of my clients, you know, have gone on first dates and they start kind of rattling off these things that they’ve done in their past.
Life. I see this all the time. I see this in dating profiles. I see all the other things that happened before you got to where you are today. But I’m wondering what you do today. So when this [00:07:00] happens, whether I see this on my client’s dating profiles, or I see this in their behavior and conversational skills on first dates, um, you know, women are gonna be, you know, polite or some women are gonna be polite about this approach, but they’re gonna be distant because they’re not really sure how to connect to you.
They’re wondering why you’re trying to prove to them that you’re worth talking to. So you gotta flip. This completely. Instead of talking about yourself in this way, you want to lead with curiosity, and that might be an unexpected or silly question or. You might say something, you know, what’s the most unexpected thing that happened to you this week?
And that’s gonna get women thinking about other parts of their life and that’s gonna light them up because that’s different than, how’s your day going? My day’s going fine. Thanks. How’s yours? But what’s the most unexpected thing that happened to you this month? Well, maybe she’s gonna then unlock a story that’s gonna [00:08:00] start connecting you to, she might tell you a silly story about.
How her dog stole a whole steak off the counter, right? And suddenly you’re both laughing and you’re both relaxed, and you’re both feeling way more connected. This guys is charisma. It’s sparking a story in her instead of pitching yourself. You don’t need to pitch yourself if you don’t believe you’re already a worthy.
Partner, a worthy catch. Then you need to fix your mindset first so that your behaviors aren’t trying to win somebody over in the first conversation or on the first date. It’s a big, big mistake that many men make. Instead, you want to be leading with curiosity, not. A resume. Now, in fact, this is something that I see very often in the way men or you guys write about yourselves in dating profiles.
They end up being more of a list of things versus, you know, [00:09:00] snippets of your life or, or, or story snippets. And so if you’re really struggling with your, you know, the way your dating profile is being presented, I actually just recently created a high impact masterclass. Um, where I completely help you revolutionize your online dating profile.
If you’re interested, have a look. There’s a link in, in the, in the YouTube descriptions if that’s something that you feel stuck on and you know, wanna unravel. Okay? But what I wanna talk now about is tip number two. So, yes, the first tip is to be curious instead of listing things like a resume. And tip number two is to really understand the art and use storytelling.
To connect to somebody, facts fall flat. Okay? Stories spark connection. In fact, as humans, we’ve connected to each other through centuries, through stories, they pass through generations. Stories are things that we remember, and if you’re [00:10:00] the kind of guy that messages women online and she says, what are things you like to do for fun?
And you say, I like cooking, then she’s gonna go. Okay, now what? You’re making it hard for her to respond to you for one and two, that’s not a very interesting response. It’s a factual response. You might like that, but if you compare that to using these questions as opportunities to tell small stories, you could say something like, oh, last week I was trying to make homemade pizza, but I fumbled and I dropped the whole thing of dough onto the ground.
Um, but I still made it though. Right? Five second rule, like be playful. Have a little o opportunity to inject a miniature story that’s true about your life into these things. And you know, which answer do you think is actually gonna get a woman laughing and leaning in, right? Obviously the second one, if you just say you like cooking, she’s, she’s gonna think that [00:11:00] maybe she’s gonna assume that maybe your life is a little bit boring and.
Maybe it is or maybe it isn’t. But you didn’t give her a whole lot of information to go on. So women do not remember the fact that you cook. They remember the story that makes you human, that makes you playful, that makes you real. Things that are in fact memorable. Even if it’s just about dropping your pizza dough on the ground.
It’s better than I just like cooking. Okay, so tip number three, guys. Listen to a woman like she is the only person in the entire room, entire world. Charismatic men. Don’t just talk well or ask good questions, is what I’m talking about. Storytelling yours and hers, being curious, but it’s also about how you listen now.
We all know the person that’s gone on a date and they’ve kind of just like checked their phone or they’ve looked at their watch or they [00:12:00] kind of look around the room ’cause maybe they’re getting a little bit bored or you think you’re being subtle because maybe whatever this woman is saying to you, you don’t find hugely interesting in the moment.
But, um, if a woman starts to feel invisible, you’re completely lost a connection. But on a, in to, to contrast this to something else, and I think about the time when I, I, I really, really used this example of the first date with my partner over and over again. ’cause the more I’ve analyzed it, the more I realized he did so many things well, which is why even in the beginning of the date when he first arrived, I, I thought there was, I just didn’t think that I was gonna leave getting to know him at all.
I don’t know why. I just had an impression that I, that was clearly wrong. And throughout the evening or throughout our date. More and more and more that I feel connected to him. And that’s because he gave me his full attention when I was talking. He was really engaged, he was listening. And when I, um, [00:13:00] when I would ask him questions too, he would pause and he would really sink in what I was asking him.
And, and he’d be very deliberate about how you responded. And he was really taking things in. He wasn’t rushing. And you know, he often would repeat part of what I said just to make sure and clarify. And I really started to feel, not consciously at the time, but in my soul, in my heart, I was like, wow, I feel, I feel like a special person.
I feel like he really cares about what I have to say. And online. It can be the same thing for you guys too, because if a woman says that she loves hiking and doesn’t giving you a lot of contacts, you don’t wanna just reply, oh, that’s nice. You can say, okay, well that’s amazing. What’s the best trail you’ve ever hiked?
You listen, you show that you’ve heard her, and that’s what’s going to make you magnetic. Now, you can do this with your body language as well, which is to [00:14:00] honestly position yourself in a way that you really are listening to her, that you’re looking, you’re making eye contact that. Things that are happening around you are inconsequential to the beautiful woman that’s revealing herself to you in front of you.
And this is why listening, like she’s the only person in the room, is going to make her feel special. It’s gonna make her feel like something about her is lighting you up, which makes her feel good. And I talk about how one of the psychological factors of creating desire in women is that women. Are also feeling desire.
Desire is this reciprocal thing. If you desire me and I desire you, now we’re getting somewhere, right? Desire’s gotta be a two-way street. So when you feel like all this beautiful attention’s on you, not in a threatening way, not you’re staring her down, but you’re really engaged, like the server could come up and ask for drinks and you’re.
What? Oh, I didn’t even notice you because I’m, I’m caught in this woman’s [00:15:00] beautiful eyes. Right? Then she’s gonna feel like you really are attuned to her and like, you care, you care about this time with her. You care about what she has to say, and that is going to make her feel, feel really, really special now.
The last tip here that I wanna share with you guys is to play with this idea of contrast. You wanna mix depth and lightness in your conversation. If everything is going really, really serious, like for some reason. Even though you shouldn’t, you got on the topic of like ex-partners or, or how stressful the world is, or you just changed jobs and you get into kinda like the, the, the meat of the seriousness of this, then the date will feel serious too.
’cause it’s all about the feelings, right? It might even, in fact, start feeling like an interrogation. Now if you’re like, okay, well, I don’t want to make things too serious, so I, I, I lean the [00:16:00] opposite direction of being too kind of jokey. Well, that can come across as feeling too shallow. So charisma really lives in the balance between the two.
And I remember actually, I, I was a client. Talk to me about how a woman did this to him, but she basically said that, um, she came to the date with like a list of questions. Um, which I mean, that just sucks the fun out of dating, doesn’t it? When someone comes with a list of things they wanna know about you.
And, uh, and that’s exactly, he told me that he felt like it was an interview. Um, and so you don’t wanna do this the other way around, right? And, um, and even though, you know, a lot of the people are trying to take dating seriously and really find their special person, if you come to a date with a list of questions, then you’re really not there to connect.
You’re there to gather information for whatever’s going on, right? So don’t do that, right? And, and so don’t make things too serious and don’t make things too light. And so what, what does, what does it [00:17:00] look like to practice both? Well, you can tease a woman a little bit, right? I talk all about this in a flirting video that goes way into more detail, how to balance this kind of ebb and flow of light and, uh, and dark or, you know, serious and, and not so serious, but you might order.
Uh, you might joke playfully about a woman ordering a fancy cocktail. Um, so there’s a little bit of this lightheartedness, but then you follow it up with asking her a really deep question about, you know, what would she do if she was planning a perfect getaway? Where would she go? So there’s this. This teasing lightheartedness about like the silly little drink she ordered, or I can’t Oh, of course.
I, I, I suspected that you were a martini girl when she orders something different or whatever you wanna say, that’s a little lighthearted and playful. And then you contrast that with something of substance. And of course it’s gonna get women to laugh a little bit. It’s gonna get them to open up about things that are important to them, like a dream trip.
And that’s the dance that you can affect with women that make them. You know, find you irresistible. [00:18:00] It’s mixing this light banter with real curiosity, which is tip number one, that curiosity, so to go between the two of ’em, if you’ve had a period of time where things have been really serious, you need to contrast that with something light, or you risk leaving the date on that really serious note or on that really overly jokey note.
And that’s not what women are really gonna connect to. It’s not what you’re gonna connect to if you’re looking at it the opposite way. Okay. So those are four really important tips that I want you guys to keep in mind. Now, I promise I was to share a couple little psychological hacks for charisma if you stuck to the end.
And the first one is the 70 30 rule. So listen, 70% of the time, talk 30% of the time, but make your 30% vivid, compelling, engaging, contrasting storytelling, curiosity, not dull, factual, linear. Okay? Name magic. Tip number two, right? Use name magic. Use her name. Naturally. It’s gonna light her [00:19:00] brain up like a dopamine hit.
Like if I said Roger, or I said Mike, or I said, Tim, Mike, when I’m on a date with you, or I say to my partner. Now if I say my partner’s name, he’s like, what? What’s wrong? Why am I in trouble? But in the beginning, as I’m getting to know him, I’m like, wow, Andrew, that’s really special. And he’s like, oh my God, my brain is lighting up.
I got this dopamine going on. This person is connecting with me. It’s like we know each other. There’s a sense of familiarity. I also want you to use the power of pausing so naturally when we’re anxious, we rush to fill silences. But a pause shows deliberation, confidence, and creates intrigue. Now, if you’re not good at pausing, you can force yourself to pause, and you can do that by, let’s say a woman asks you, you’ve asked her a bunch of great questions, you’ve shared some story anecdotes and things like that, and then she asks you a question back like.
Okay, well, you know, I love talking about travel with you. Well, you know, if you, if you [00:20:00] got on a a plane tomorrow and could go anywhere, where would you go? And you immediately answer, no pause. And if you’re not really good at pausing, then grab you. I’m gonna grab my drink, grab your drink. Think about it for a second.
Look up in your brain like you’re accessing information. Have a sip
of your water or your wine, or your cocktail, or whatever you’re drinking. Think about it for a minute and then answer a pause is such a great thing to do. That shows confidence. It creates intrigue. It shows that you’re deliberately thinking about a response, not just trying to fill the silence. And she’s gonna be waiting in anticipation for your answer.
And there is nothing better than a man who doesn’t rush his talking all the time that can really enjoy and isn’t awkward in a moment of silence and can just think and be like, you know, if I was gonna [00:21:00] go anywhere, it would be. It wouldn’t be somewhere new. In fact, I would go back to the place where I remember having the best experience of my life just to see if I could recreate it, and then he would tell you where that is.
And that’s what I was thinking about just then. So that’s the power of pausing. You can play with. Quick pace conversations, so then slowing things down back to quick and fun and flirty to slowing things down. And this ebb and flow creates this push-pull dynamic that just makes a date and a connection with you feel so much better.
Okay, the fourth little hack here is called energy transfer and it’s something that, um, chase Hughes I’ve referred to many times actually teaches and he’s like a. Uh, human behavior specialist and he was a, um, an interrogator. Um, he teaches people to mirror your state. [00:22:00] So this is kind of what I was getting at a moment before with this kind of energy, but energy transfer is very much of a mirroring, and I talk about mirroring in more depth in my flirting videos.
I’ve got a couple of ’em out there. Go check ’em out if like, but energy transfer is all about if you are calm. If you are curious, if you are playful, she will feel that too. And if you are noticing by the way that a woman is getting a little bit anxious or she’s moving too quick, you could also, you don’t need to match that energy.
You, what you do is you match it initially. And then you, you take the pace down a notch. So she’s talking really fast about something. ’cause she got really nervous. You could talk really fast about something, but then you slow it all down and she’s gonna get invited into that and that’s gonna calm things down.
And that’s what happens when you can mirror. You can actually lead her state into one that’s a little more enjoyable. [00:23:00] Or she’ll start to take the influence, right? And then she’ll start to take the influence of yours. If you’re calm, you’re curious, you’re playful. She’ll feel it too. If you’re flirty, if you’re laughing and you’re having fun, she will feel it too.
So this is energy transfer. So guys, when you build conversational charisma by learning these things, which. Wouldn’t, wouldn’t take you much time to really understand and master then women don’t just like what you say, they remember how they felt with you. I felt like I had such a great time and attraction.
Always, always, always, always lives in the feelings, never in the facts, and charisma’s not about being perfect. It’s about being present. It’s about being curious. It’s about being human. It’s about letting people into the little stories of your life. It’s about asking silly questions. It’s about having fun with it.
And this [00:24:00] is something you can do online and offline guys. Now, if you really do want some help with this, you feel really stuck in this, um, you, you’re welcome. If you’re ready at this point in time, if you watch some of my videos or. Or you know, that you need some support and guidance in your life, you are totally welcome to book a complimentary call with me.
We’ll see if we’re a good fit to work together. If not, I can maybe send some other resources or point you in some other directions. Um, but this is definitely the kind of stuff that I work with, with my clients. Um, but honestly guys, you can have better conversations, um, by really expanding what you talk about, how curious you are, the ebb and flow of energies and really.
Weaving in some fun storytelling. One layer deeper is to leave a little cliffhanger. I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you how that story ended later. If you’re lucky, that’s flirting. So you can actually, you know, maybe this video as what I’m thinking about it. This video in combination with my flirting video will probably like two good videos to intertwine and take some great lessons from.
So you can enjoy your conversations. So you can [00:25:00] have a great connection with a woman that’s gonna lead to the next date, which really opens up the possibility of, of truly getting to know one another, to see if you would be a great team for a relationship. So guys, I’m off. I’m off to celebrate my birthday this weekend.
I hope you guys found this video enjoyable. I know it was a little bit longer. Sorry, I got talking a little bit, and that’s what happens when I do these in one take without any editing. So forgive me if I was a little long-winded, but thanks very much for sticking around and I look forward to bringing you guys some more content next week.
I’d love to hear your comments. Was this helpful? Was this refreshing? Did this give you one little thing to take away and try? Um, did you enjoy this topic? Do you wanna hear other things being talked about on this channel that you feel are more relevant perhaps to what’s going on in dating? Please let me know.
I’m always here to, to be of service to you guys. Uh, and if you wanna book a call, I’d be happy to hear from you and get to know you. And until next time, guys, [00:26:00] chow.
