If it’s been a long time since you last dated, let’s say ten years, twenty, maybe more, you’re probably standing at the edge of a dating world that looks nothing like the one you left, hearing over and over how brutal it is out there. So here’s something that might surprise you: those years away can be your single greatest advantage. Not a disadvantage, an edge no twenty-five-year-old can compete with. But I won’t just make you feel good about it. That advantage is not automatic. Getting older is automatic; getting wiser is a choice. Two men can live the exact same twenty years and come out completely differently, one with hard-won wisdom, the other with nothing but baggage and a story about how it was all everyone else’s fault. In this episode I walk through the real advantages those years can give you — knowing what you actually want, knowing your own patterns, not being swept away by chemistry alone, and dating with genuine intention, and exactly what it takes to earn each one. Because done right, this is the work that makes you the man a healthy, loving, genuinely attractive woman is actually looking for. This is for good-hearted men dating after divorce or a long-term relationship who want a genuinely loving connection, not just another date.
Dating after divorce at 50 • dating again after a long marriage • is it too late to date • dating advice for men over 40 • starting over after divorce • how to date after divorce
Links and Free Resources:
1. Free Guide: “Why You’re Not Finding Love (And The Inner Shift that Changes Everything)” → https://datingcoach.
2. Dating After Divorce? Get The Relationship You Want with Dating Mastery for Men → https://datingcoach.
3. Audio Masterclass: Relax and Enjoy Conversations With Women Here → https://kimberlyhill548.
Here’s the podcast-
If you’re watching or listening to today’s video, then there’s a good chance that it’s been a fair while since you last dated. Maybe it’s been 10, 20, maybe even more years. Of course, the reason for this is your marriage ended or your long-term relationship has come to an end, and now you’re standing at the edge of this brand-new dating world that looks nothing like the one you left behind.
And everybody out there has to give you some lip service and tell you that dating is super brutal, dating apps are broken, don’t waste your time, just be single. Oh my God, it’s been a disaster for me. And so you’re thinking, “Oh no . What am I even supposed to do?” But I wanna tell you something that might surprise you, and it’s that the years you spend away from dating can be your single greatest advantage, not a disadvantage.
Many of us look at it and think, “Well, I don’t have experience in today’s modern dating world, and that means that I’m further behind.” No, it doesn’t [00:01:00] The fact that you’ve spent time away can be an advantage that no 25-year-old man who’s dating can actually compete with you on. But I will be honest with you, okay?
‘Cause this advantage, or advantages that I’m gonna talk about today, they’re not given, they’re not automatic. Getting older, that’s automatic. Getting wiser is a damn well big choice. Now, two men can live the exact same 20 years and come out looking completely different. One man comes out with hard-won wisdom that is gonna serve him well in the dating world.
The other can come out with a lot of insecurities and baggage, and a big story about how the marriage and the end of it was everybody else’s fault. So today I’m gonna show you how the real advantages that those years away from dating can give you in the dating world today, and exactly what it takes to earn them so that you can date with confidence, class, and attract the loving [00:02:00] relationship you deserve, and tell all those people who said dating is a big disaster, “What are you talking about?
It wasn’t like that for me.” Now, welcome to this channel. My name is Kimberly Hill. I’m a dating and relationship coach for men. I support good-hearted men to attract deeply loving relationships, and to go on and maintain those loving relationships. Now, if you’re new to listening to this podcast or to watching the YouTube videos, thank you for being here.
I’ve also put together a free guide for you that you can go ahead and download. Um, it’s called Why You’re Not Finding Love. Now, I’ve put it together. It’s nine chapters. It’s actually quite direct. It’s a very direct read, and it’s just, you know, skipping all the BS, getting right to the heart of what’s really going on.
If you’ve been wondering why, you know, the same kinda patterns keep showing up in dating, or no matter what you’re doing with dating and with women, it just doesn’t seem to be working, this guide will give you some serious indication of why that’s happening and what to do about it, and you can go ahead and grab a copy for yourself for [00:03:00] free.
Now, if you’ve been listening to me for many years or many months, and you’re thinking, “You know what? I’m kind of tired of consuming all of this knowledge. It’s in my head, and I wanna actually put it into action” then I’ve created a self-paced program called Dating Mastery for Men. It is the replacement for my one-on-one work, which I have put on pause for the fis- foreseeable future.
So if you want more in-depth support for dating Then this is where you will get it. It goes places this YouTube channel does not go, and it is structured to take you from understanding and insight to actual practical application and real change. So you’re gonna find clarity on the most frustrating aspects of dating and know exactly what to do about it, a genuine solution on what to do about it, and how to attract that loving relationship you’re really here for.
Now, the link to learn more about that and to get access to Dating Mastery for Men is in the YouTube description here. But let’s get into today’s video. [00:04:00] And of course, I wanna get the obvious thing out of the way first. Of course, the mechanisms of dating have changed quite drastically if you haven’t been in the dating pool for 10, 15, 20 years.
There’s a multitude of dating apps now that all work with different bells and whistles, different subscription fees, and all sorts of shit you probably don’t wanna even bother with. And then there’s all the norms and etiquette around it that never existed before. So yes, you’re gonna be rusty on all of that, and that’s completely fine because the mechanics are the easy part.
You can learn apps in a couple of weeks. That was never really gonna be your big hurdle, and it was never the real question. The real question, the one that actually decides how far you’re gonna go in the dating world and how successful you’re gonna be is what the heck you’ve done with your last 20 years.
So let’s talk about the advantages that you can have from that if you’re paying attention to them. Now, [00:05:00] advantage number one is you know what you actually want. Now, contrast yourself with a man who’s maybe in his 20s still figuring out who he is in the world. He’s dating in circles. He’s chasing any woman that gives him a little bit of excitement this month.
You do not have to do that anymore because you’ve lived enough life to know what genuinely matters to you in a partnership. You know what you can’t live with because you’ve been there, and you know what you’re simply no longer willing to tolerate because you’ve been there. So that clarity is very efficient, and it’s very genuinely attractive, guys, because a man who knows what he wants is more rare than you think.
And here’s the honest part. This is only going to be an advantage to you if you’ve actually taken the time to figure it out. If you’ve never truly sat down and asked yourself what you want from a relationship, then you [00:06:00] will simply go back into this dating pool, this more chaotic dating pool, and you’re gonna run the same defaults that got you here in the first place, and you won’t have 20 years of clarity.
So you’ll have 20 years of autopilot, which will get you right back into the same dynamics you just got out of. Now, this advantage or this edge is only gonna become real if you’ve done the thinking, if you’ve done the self-authoring, the self-reflection, and you have to… Because of it, you’re gonna stop wasting months dating the wrong women, doing the wrong things.
And you’ll actually have that clarity of being able to recognize when the right woman is sitting across from you. Because a man who knows exactly what he wants is magnetic to women who also have their life together. Now, let’s talk about what your second advantage could be, which is you know [00:07:00] yourself.
You’ve actually start to understand your own patterns, and you understand and have reflected on the part, your part, in what went wrong. And this is a big one, because every one of us will bring patterns into our next relationship, but you may have had the time to sit down and look at yours clearly.
Whether you’re someone who shuts down when things get a little tense, whether you’re the kinda man who over-gives in an attempt to please his partner. You’re gonna understand what you contributed to the end of your marriage, and maybe that’s, “I st- I stuck around and tolerated poor behavior for far longer than I should have.”
Maybe you realize that’s the part where you went wrong. And this kind of self-knowledge is something that a younger man simply hasn’t lived enough years to even have. He doesn’t have this knowledge ’cause he hasn’t had this experience. But it comes with you doing the hardest accountability check in this whole video, [00:08:00] because knowing your patterns requires you to have actually sat down, reflected, and looked at them.
Now, the man who’s done that work can tell you with a lot of honesty what his role was in that relationship, and the man who is still saying, “Well, my ex is crazy,” well, he leaves it right there, and that guy, he goes back into the dating pool and is a magnet for the next set of crazy women. So I’m gonna be blunt with you here.
If that’s still your entire story where you’re blaming your wife for everything or your ex-wife for everything, then you didn’t really grow over those 20 years, you just got older. And new women are gonna feel this instantly when you open your mouth about the past because that question is coming. It’s coming before your first date, on your first date, or by your second date, a woman is without a doubt going to ask you what happened in your previous marriage.
And you need to know how to answer that [00:09:00] genuinely with some self-reflection. Um, so this means when you do this reflection, you’ll stop re-attracting the same painful relationships that have just a different set of hair and a new dress. So an emotionally self-aware man, of course, who’s done this reflection is the kind of man that healthy, loving women are quietly scanning for.
It’s the rarest, most attractive thing you can offer her: self-growth, self-reflection, honesty on your patterns, and the ability and the desire to work through them. Now, advantage three, okay? This advantage is that you’ve had enough experience not to be swept away by pure chemistry alone. Now, a younger man will feel a spark with a woman, and he can completely lose his head.
He mistakes this intensity he’s feeling for this is the, this is the wife I need to have in my [00:10:00] life or the woman I need to marry, right? He’s gonna mistake intensity for compatibility, and he’s gonna chase that feeling right off a cliff. And I have had many men admit to me that that’s exactly what they have done.
Now, you, lucky you, you’ve been around long enough to know that a spark, okay, and a good partner are not the same thing. You can feel attraction and still keep your eyes open. You can still read her character, see how she demonstrates behavior over some time. You can still choose well. And that steadiness, right, the steadiness, the, the I don’t need to rush everything or fall into this intensity trap, is actually quite deeply magnetic.
But it’s only going to work to your advantage if you’ve done enough healing that you’re not dating on an empty tank. Because if you are dating on an empty tank, and that empty tank is a measure for I’m feeling really lonely or I haven’t really healed my wounds, then [00:11:00] what will happen is you’ll date women that you feel are rescuing you, and you’ll grab the first person that makes that ache or loneliness stop for a moment, and you’ll call it love.
And if you’re still trying to fill a hole, you’ll get swept away just as fast as any 25-year-old who’s feeling like he’s falling in love for the first time. Now, that steadiness only shows up Okay? Once you’ve done the healing underneath it. And when it does, it of course is gonna change who you end up with.
You’re gonna choose from a place of groundedness with me- which means you’ll be selecting women who are genuinely healthy, loving women instead of falling in the t- into the temptation of these chaotic, exciting women that are gonna lead you to have a emotionally disastrous relationship that falls apart in three months, and I know many men that have been there.
And so that same groundedness is exactly what makes secure women, [00:12:00] attractive women feel safe enough to fall for you. Now, last advantage here is advantage number four, which is you’ll date with real intention. And this is exactly where modern dating is heading because so many of us are … We’re tired of the endless swiping, right?
We’re tired of the games, and we really want to move towards people that, like, know what they’re doing and why they’re doing it. ‘Cause there’s a lot of people, a lot of conversations my clients have admitted to me, where they started chatting with a woman who then, you know, partway through that conversation goes, “I don’t even know if I’m ready to be dating.”
It’s like, what are you doing on here? You shouldn’t be out there connecting with people if you know you’re not ready to be doing that. And so when you want something real, you know you don’t have time or interest to waste. That inte- intention, being very intentional about dating is an edge right now. But this is where it can go wrong, okay?
Because the honest check is, it’s a sneaky one, you have to make sure you have real intention. You’re not just wearing fear [00:13:00] dressed up. And what I mean by that, when you have been hurt It’s very easy to hide behind what people call very high standards or I’m excessively picky, and what that tells me is I’m just putting walls up.
I’m like, “I’m dating ’cause I’m giving the illusion that I’m out there trying, but I’m gonna reject everybody for different reasons,” and they all seem very valid to me. But really, that’s just I’m rejecting everybody before I can be rejected myself, and sometimes people mistake that, okay, avoidance, fear, with I’m being intentional about dating.
You don’t wanna conflate the two. They’re not the same thing. Real intention moves towards what you want. Fear is just protecting you from being hurt again, but fear will also stop you from feeling love again. So you need to be honest with yourself about which one is actually running the show because real intention in dating is something [00:14:00] very powerful.
It also is gonna draw in women who want something real, and it will filter out people that don’t want something real, so you’re gonna spend your time dating quality, not chaos. But you really have to understand what side of the camp you are on. So here’s the truth I wanna leave you guys with. Each advantage I described here is sitting right there in front of you.
Okay? If you’re a man that’s gone through a divorce or gone through a long-term relationship These advantages are there for you to pick up. They’re all going to lead you to have a better, easier, more lighthearted, more enjoyable dating experience. But they’re only there for you if you’re willing to do the real work of knowing yourself.
That’s not easy work for a lot of people. A lot of people come to YouTube videos or download stuff that they think is a, a cheat, a hack, a tip, or something that’s gonna shortcut their way to having success with women. You don’t shortcut your way to having success in the most meaningful [00:15:00] relationship of your life.
You do that by being meaningful and intentional with yourself first, so you can be selective in a way that is going to support you, okay? It really… These advantages come from what you’ve done in the past 10, 15, 20 years, and the good news, the genuinely good news, is that it’s never too late to start this work.
And the work is the price of the advantage that it’s going to give you. There’s no aging your way into this. Wisdom does not come with age, it comes with being intentional about learning about oneself, not willingly going into dating on automatic and making the same mistakes. So guys, you’re not starting behind.
If you’ve earned it, you’re starting better than you ever have. You’re… You are going to be wiser, and this is the exact man that healthy, loving, genuine women are very attracted to. So go ahead and earn it, guys. Now, if this is a video that you know maybe you need to send to somebody [00:16:00] out there because they need to do a little self-reflection, or you know they’re dating a little before their time, please send it to them.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on today’s video as well. And of course, before I go, if you do wanna grab my free guide, please go ahead and sign up for that. I’ll get a email link directly sent to you with it, and I’ll see you guys all next week.
