In this episode of The Self-Confidence Project, Kimberly dives deeper into relationship advice by discussing five valuable lessons from great philosophers like Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, Confucius, Nietzsche, and Seneca. She explores how their ancient wisdom is still relevant in today’s chaotic dating culture, emphasizing self-mastery, emotional maturity, integrity in actions, seeking meaningful connections, and learning from difficulties. Perfect for anyone wanting to navigate modern relationships with more clarity and courage.
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Kimberly
Here’s the transcript:
Hey guys. Welcome back to the episode of the Self-Confidence Project. I’m your host, Kimberly, and today I wanna talk about something a little different, maybe a little deeper than some of the modern dating content that is floating around out there. And that’s to say, I wanna talk about five relationship lessons that the great philosophers would teach who, or that they would apply if they were out there.
Creating a hinge or Tinder or Bumble profile, and I think this stuff is more relevant than ever. Now, before I dive in, if you’re new to this channel, welcome aboard. My name is Kimberly. I’m a dating and relationship coach for men. We talk all things. Dating love, navigating this crazy world that we’re in and how to just show up authentically so you can attract the kind of deeply loving relationship that you were really craving.
And today I wanna talk about what Marcus Aurelius, Nietzche and Confucius among others, would tell you if they were dating in today’s modern generation. Now, these men live centuries ago, but their wisdom, [00:01:00] it still hits hard. And look, I’m no philosopher. I did not study philosophy in school. It’s just a personal interest of mine and I, I don’t even know it that well.
But what I do wanna share with you is how it can intertwine into dating and relationships today, because I do believe that in today’s chaotic dating culture where men and women are constantly swiping that people are just feeling ghosted or thrown out or dismissed, and all of us are searching for something that we can’t quite name or put our fingers on, then maybe just maybe.
We need to go backwards to learn the lessons so that we can move forward. Now, in this video, I wanna explore what five great philosophers, Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, Confucius, Nietzsche, and Seneca would teach us about how to love better, how to stay grounded and how to navigate modern relationships. With a heck of a lot more clarity and courage.
Now, if you enjoy this [00:02:00] video that I’m gonna share with you today, and you are looking for some guidance in your dating and relationship journey, then please feel free to book a complimentary call with me. We’ll get to know each other. We’ll see if, uh, this type of coaching support is right for you. Now, Marcus Aurelius believes self-mastery leads to better love and his one of his famous quotes is that “you have power over your mind.
Not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength.” And obviously he was a very famous Roman emperor, but more than that, he was a man that believed that life was unpredictable, even very harsh at times, and yet we could still show up with integrity and in relationships and dating. This principle applies because you cannot show up as your best self for somebody else at any point in time.
If you are ruled by jealousy, by anger, by [00:03:00] insecurity. And if you’re someone that loses your groundedness and center every time someone pulls away or disagrees with you or doesn’t text you back in five minutes, or doesn’t enjoy the witty comment you made on the dating app, then this is a reflection of your internal world, not of the people you’re chasing.
And this is what self-mastery means. It means doing your own inner work so that you are not emotionally outsourcing your worth. I. And this doesn’t mean you’re a cold person. What it does mean is that you’re calm and you’re present, and you’re capable of navigating real intimacy. Which is messy, by the way.
And this is relevant today because modern dating is a rife with triggers. We got ghosting and bread, crumbing and narcissist galore and mixed signals, and online rejection and offline rejection. And if you’re not grounded, then you will continue to react to [00:04:00] all of these bumps along the road instead of leading with calm clarity.
So if Marcus Aurelius was here, just chumming up next to you on the sofa, and he said, look man, when conflict or uncertainty arises in dating, are you leading with emotional maturity or are you spiraling into doubt and control and reactivity? So ask yourself right now, what about Epictetus? He believes that you can’t control a woman, only your responses or you can’t control outside events, only your responses, right?
He says that “it’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” And he knows some shit because he was born a slave and he understood powerlessness very intimately. But his greatest insight was that our response is our greatest. Freedom. But look at the world today. Look at how [00:05:00] people are reacting to the world and the kind of.
Challenge we’re seeing on social media and the hate that we are seeing in this world and the complications we’re seeing in dating. And honestly, when we’re dating, this is everything. Our response is everything because you cannot control if a woman texts you back. You can’t control if the, if the woman that you find attractive is emotionally available, you cannot control whether a connection you have with someone lasts forever.
We wanna feel like we can control these things, but we can’t. And, but what you can control is your own mindset. You can control your own energy and you are in control of how you respond. So do you spiral into self-doubt or do you stay very grounded? Um, and walk away from someone when you know that they’re not right, uh, and keep your dignity intact.
Now, emotionally mature men don’t try to weave or control the [00:06:00] outcomes. They control their own character. Strong women do this too. And why this is relevant today is because. So many daters, men and women attach their identity to how the person they’re trying to chase is responding to them, right? So in the context of men, you often attach your identity to how women respond to you, and that dependency guys creates a lot of emotional chaos.
So your power actually lies in your detachment from the outcomes, not apathy. Right. Not indifference to the world and to women at large, but detachment from the outcome. This is self-respect. So do you feel like a man who is grounded and steady in how you respond to women to the world? Do you overthink?
Do you chase? Do you take everything personally? Is everything a personal attack against you? [00:07:00] Right. Something to think about here. Now, Confucius, right. Well his, one of his famous quotes is, “the superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.” How does this relate to modern dating? Well, he believed that characters revealed through consistency and conduct, not.
Empty words, not, I am gonna love you. Right? Or a lot of this bravado and in relationships. Well, this really is everything because in today’s world, there’s all this talk. Right. Uh, talk about intentions, talk about wanting something real. Talk about respect and honesty, but talk is cheap. And Confucius reminded us that real connection is actually built when your actions, guys speak louder than your promises.
You show up on time, [00:08:00] you follow through, you demonstrate your interest through care, not through pressure. And this is so relevant today because such a modern, such a big part of modern dating is performance based. How well can we capture some, capture someone’s attention when we approach them at the bar?
How well can we show up and create an impression on our first date? Um, and you know, people say all of the right things. And they might even get you hooked by saying that, or maybe you’re the kind of guy that, you know, makes these grand promises to women too. Uh, but what does your follow through look like?
Because women today are definitely looking for alignment between what a man says and what he does. And you are wanting the same from women too. We all want this alignment. So are you the kind of man that shows up. Um, or whose actions you know, actually speak for you? Or are you relying on charm, flirtation, and all these fancy words without actually [00:09:00] backing them up consistently?
Like when you say you’re looking for a deep, genuine connection, like do you even know what that means and how to show up as someone that can cultivate that in a relationship? I think there’s a lot of self-reflection. That will lead us to the kinds of relationships we wanna have instead of searching for a partner to be perfect and fulfill all our needs.
I think we need to be asking ourselves, you know, how can I just become a better version of myself? It’s naturally, that’s ends up being what attracts great people to you. And the journey doesn’t end there. Right? It continues with your partner for the rest of your life. So what does Nietzsche have to say about this?
Well, obviously he’s not all about chasing comfort. It’s about seeking meaning and love. And one of his very famous quotes was, “he who has a why to live can bear almost any how” and he was not about [00:10:00] playing it safe. He believed that in life, real life was really about struggle, meaning, and purpose. What do we really think our purpose in relationships is?
Like how hot our partner is and how many pictures it can flash on Instagram. What are what? Where is our meaning now? And a lot of us are chasing comfort in relationships. We want someone who likes the things we likes. We like likes, likes the things we likes. We want someone who doesn’t challenge us. We want someone who.
It’s, you know, I’m gonna avoid conflict in our relationships or someone that we don’t have a lot of conflict with, or we’re just gonna choose a partner that kind of fills a void in our life. This is all just chasing comfort, but a great relationship will challenge you. It will stretch you and you will be confronted and asked to grow, to listen, to show up when it’s hard, because if you’re searching for a woman.
Who makes [00:11:00] life easy for you? Good luck. I can’t say on behalf of all women, we might have be well intended, but we won’t make life easy for you. You wanna start looking for a woman who’s going to make life meaningful for you. And this is relevant today because we are taught to look for compatibility and ease.
Right. Oh, it has to. It has to. My nervous system has to feel totally relaxed on every date and every interaction that I have with this person. But no real meaning has friction. It has growth, it has emotional risk. So ask yourself, are you seeking out partners who just make you feel safe? Or are you seeking out partners who inspire you to become more of who you truly are?
Women that actually encourage you to grow as an individual. Now what about Seneca? Okay, his, his famous quote, one of his famous quotes, his “difficulties strengthen the [00:12:00] mind as labor does the body.” And he taught us that hardship is not a curse. It’s a teacher and in love. Wow. I’ll tell you this thing.
Discomfort is unavoidable. Many of you men watching my channel will have come out of divorces. You know that discomfort is there and that you can’t avoid it. And if you’re trying to search for a partner who doesn’t rock your world in the pros and the cons, um, you’re going to avoid the truth of the meaning of your relationship.
You’re going to have doubts. You will experience miscommunications. You will sometimes wake up wondering, is this even worth it? It feels really hard right now, and so many men and women are bailing when the honeymoon ends. When you get six months into a relationship, a year into the relationship and, and real life sets in, it’s like, oh, it’s too hard.
We’ve had an argument. I’m seeing our differences. I’m just gonna jump ship and get on to Tinder or Hinge or Bumble or Match and [00:13:00] find someone else that. You know, brings more ease and comfort into my life. But that is fear disguised as logic because real love will ask you to stay and it will force you to sit with discomfort and you will need to grow through it and not run from it.
And now all of this being said, that doesn’t mean I’m encouraging you to stay in a toxic relationship. Obviously not. But it does mean being mature enough to work through discomfort instead of chasing the next high or the next woman that makes your life feel easy for short amount of time. And this is so relevant today because we’re so many people are dating with a foot out the door, right?
It was like, well, I, I feel like I have other options, so I’m not really gonna fully expose myself here. But real intimacy doesn’t emerge when you’re one foot in, one foot out. It only emerges after you’ve actually gone through some shit with somebody, right? Whether you’ve actually weathered some storms with a person.
So [00:14:00] ask yourself when relationships get tough, when you have conflict, when things aren’t feeling great, do you check out or do you lean in with patience and. Presence. And what I mean by presence is are you really there? Are you in it? Even in the dis discomforting or uncomfortable moments? Can you still be there?
Relationships are not supposed to be easy. They are supposed to be worth it, and I think that a lot of us have forgotten that relationships are about them being worth it. Not easy. Marcus, Aurelius, Epictetus, Confucius, Nietzsche, Seneca. None of these men were dating coaches. Can you imagine that? I’m sure they’re gonna create an AI philosopher that you can get wisdom from.
Don’t know if you want to do that, but I’m sure it’s coming. If I thought of it, someone else has thought of it. Nonetheless, they’re less still apply because at the core of [00:15:00] it. Dating guys, love is not fi about finding a perfect person. There is no perfect person. There is no perfect relationship. You’re not perfect, you never will be.
None of us are perfect. It is about becoming the kind of person who can love deeply, who can love patiently, who can love wisely, and I hope this video spoke to you. And if it did, and you know more about these philosophers than I do, I would love to hear your comments about other lessons that they have taught us.
I wanna know which philosopher you resonate the most with, and if you are ready to bring more purpose, more clarity, more integrity into your dating life. Then I would love to have a conversation with you, see if we’re a good fit. If not, I can happily point you in some other directions that could be useful for your dating journey because my goal, my mission, is just to support more people to have happy, healthy relationships.
And until next time, be thoughtful, be bold, lead with integrity. What would Nietzsche do? What would Marcus Aurelius do? What would Seneca do in this texting dynamic with this woman who’s driving you insane? Guys, I hope you enjoyed today’s video. I’d love to hear your comments and thoughts. Have you heard of a video like this before?
Have you, have you had a dating coach talk to you about, um, the lessons of a philosophers? I love to hear, I’d love to hear what more types of videos you wanna hear and see from me. Please leave your, um, thoughtful comments below and of course, until next time guys, cia.
