In this video, I’m sharing the biggest turn-offs women notice instantly that most men don’t even realize they’re doing. And no, I’m not just talking about bad breath or poor hygiene. I’m talking about the deeper psychological and emotional dynamics that instantly shut women down in dating and relationships. Women today have more choice and higher expectations than ever before, and if you’re not growing, leading, or living with purpose, she’s going to feel it. Watch this to learn what really kills attraction and what you can do to shift it.
P.S. If you’re a man navigating dating after divorce, don’t go it alone. My free masterclass was made for you—learn how to rebuild confidence, attract the right women, and avoid common post-divorce mistakes. Watch it here.
Ready for tailored support? Book your 1:1 dating strategy call with me here and let’s map out your next steps.
See you next week,
Kimberly
Here’s the transcript:
Women today have a lot more options and they have a lot higher standards when it comes to dating and relationships, and this is a new thing. And that doesn’t mean that as a man who’s single and who’s out there dating that you now suddenly need to be Mr. Perfect, although it might feel that way, but it does mean that you need to avoid.
Instant turnoffs that are going to kill the attraction that you have of the woman, um, faster than you can even realize. And this is not a video that’s gonna talk about how you need to stay hygienic, have a shower, you know, have fresh breath, clean your shoes. I’m gonna be addressing the psychological and emotional.
Turnoffs that actually make women lose interest in you no matter what your age is. Now, welcome to this channel. My name is Kimberly Hill. I’m a men’s dating and relationship coach, and I support good hearted men to attract great partnerships and go on and have loving [00:01:00] relationships. And in order to get from point A to B, there’s some stuff to unpack and that’s understanding and navigating through modern dating.
Everything from meeting women. In real life to meeting women online and things you need to be aware of, as well as understanding what kind of man you are and what kind of relationship you’re truly wanting to attract. And then understanding the blind spots or the perspectives we might be missing that need to be course corrected so that we can actually achieve these things that are really important to us.
And this channel addresses all of that. Sometimes with a little humor, sometimes with a little seriousness. But we are navigating through a lot of the complex and sometimes really frustrating dating world that some of you have been thrust into through no choice of your own. Maybe it’s ’cause you’re divorced or a long-term relationship didn’t work out, or maybe you’re even widowed and so you’re looking to find, uh, a new partnership and you’re going, well, I have been outta the dating game for a while, or it’s been some time, or maybe I’m.
I haven’t been [00:02:00] outta the dating game for a while, but something’s not connecting and I just need some sound, genuine advice to help me show up better and have the success that I really wanna have. Now, today, I’m gonna be unpacking, of course, the turnoffs that you wanna avoid, which are some big things that you might need to consider so that you can attract and have the relationship you really desire, because.
We need more happy, healthy, loving relationships out there. Now, what are the turnoffs that I’m talking about? Turnoff number one is something that’s quite central to a lot of the videos and content that I talk about, which is you need to have a life outside of your relationship. So the turnoff is if you do not have a life outside of your relationship, you have to understand that women at all stages of life want to join a man’s life, not be his entire life.
She wants to join your life, not be your entire life. And it matters because if you’re a [00:03:00] man that doesn’t really have a lot of hobbies, or you’ve lost your way, or you don’t really have anything you’re passionate about, or you don’t really have much purpose right now in your life outside of dating, or the woman that you find attractive, she is going to feel the weight of being your only source of fulfillment and that.
Smothers attraction with a king size pillow. So having a life that’s fulfilling and joyful outside of women and outside of a relationship will actually help you attract the right relationship. If you don’t, it becomes a major turnoff. Turnoff number two. Oh, by the way, it doesn’t matter if you’re 60, 70, 80 years old, right?
You need to constantly be developing yourself, learning something, or engaging with life. Otherwise, women will see you as stagnant. So this is not for men just in their twenties and thirties that need to kind of discover who they are. This is for men. At any point in [00:04:00] your life if you’re not in motion, you lose attraction.
You lose polarity for women. Now, turn off number two is no growth mindset. If you’re very stuck and very rigid with how you think about the world, how you think about. Dating how you think about just what’s happening in, in, in the world around us. Women will notice that instantly she will pick up on this energy that she’ll describe as.
I just can’t connect with him. But it means that you’re quite closed off energetically. Maybe you’ve actually become quite bitter in your elder years, or you’re just stuck in old patterns that maybe you’re not aware of, but just are not serving you when it comes to love and relationships. And so this becomes a very big attraction killer, a man who is.
Unaware of or is refusing to evolve signals to a woman. This is as good as it [00:05:00] gets. And that creates dread for women, not desire, right, not desire. And so the psychology here is, there’s an evolutionary poll. Women are gonna be looking for cues of a adaptability and resilience in a man, because these are traits that signal strength and survival.
And we know in today’s modern world that many women aren’t really needing men for strength and survival. I still believe that we do. Um, but they’re still got the evolutionary wiring to seek those traits out in men. So having a growth mindset and not having a refusal to evolve, um, is gonna, what’s gonna help you attract women.
So check your mindset, guys. Where are you at? Are you stuck in old patterns? Turn off number three for women is going to be, you guessed it, emotional immaturity or I’ll [00:06:00] call it no self-awareness. So if you’re the kind of man that blames your exes, or you are very good at deflecting responsibility, or you haven’t worked on improving how you communicate.
You avoid having tough and real conversations with women. Um, women are not gonna be very, uh, attracted or interested in you in today’s generation because women want emotional safety. And if you cannot regulate your own emotions, you fly off the handle or you. Retreat into a heavy, heavy avoidance and ignore things that are important.
Um, she’s not gonna feel so safe being vulnerable around you. She certainly isn’t gonna trust that if she has something she needs to raise with you, that you’re not gonna either fly up the handle or completely shot down. If those are reactions that a woman gets from you, she’ll stop coming to you with stuff.
And you know that a relationship or a new dating experience is not going to survive if a woman starts to shut down. [00:07:00] Her, her voice with you. That means she’s saying, I don’t trust a safe space between us. She might stick around for a while ’cause she doesn’t know how to get out of it, or maybe there are other things that kind of keep her there.
Um, but what’s gonna happen is. If a woman can’t be vulnerable with you, if there’s no emotional safety, she’ll lose respect for you. And if you don’t have respect, you don’t have anything, you don’t have a relationship, you don’t have trust, you got nada. And there were, of course, that respect works both ways, which is why women need to be, um, doing all of these things as well.
They need to be emotionally. Mature as well. This psychology here is that this links very much to attachment. Uh, many of us are now reading up on attachment styles and getting a general understanding of attachment styles, which I think is helpful to, for most of us, um, and emotionally immature men. If you’re someone who just doesn’t have control of your emotions, you will trigger women’s [00:08:00] protective instincts.
Not her attraction instincts, right? You’re, you’re, you’re triggering the wrong instincts for what you truly want from a woman. So you have to have good self-awareness and emotional regulation now. A lot of men haven’t been taught this or haven’t been modeled this. This might be the sticking point for, um, a lot of you guys is realizing, Hey, I’ve noticed that, and I’m not talking total emotional maturity like a kid toys in the air, stomping your feet, you know, you know, a 6-year-old child.
I’m not talking about that emotional immaturity. The emotional immaturity I’m talking about is a man who doesn’t understand how to. Have awareness of process and deal with his emotions and frustrations in a healthy manner. And a healthy manner is not retreating, shutting down or closing up. That’s not a helpful or emotionally mature way [00:09:00] of dealing with emotions.
And I say that because I’ve worked with a lot of men. That when I help them understand their emotional patterns with women in particular, notice that they have a real shut down response. When things aren’t going well, they feel like a failure. They feel a lot of shame and guilt. And so what happens is they retreat further and further into themselves, and many you that are listening to this might, you know, go.
Shoot, that’s me. I don’t really know how to address things or I have tried in the past with women that weren’t receptive, and so I feel like the survival mechanism that I’m holding onto is. If there’s an issue, I’ll just shut up about it. Um, especially by the way, because men who are seen as voicing their feelings get viewed by a lot of women as being just big complainers, big babies.
And that’s unfortunate [00:10:00] perception that a lot of real feministic women. Have of men, which is harmful and hurtful and is not creating a safe space for men to actually feel like they can voice their opinion, which is why on this channel I say, men, you need to be courageous and voice your opinion, and voice your vulnerabilities and needs and wants and desires, and see how a woman responds to that.
And that’s gonna give you a big indication of. The type of woman that you might be trying really hard to pursue is she actually somebody that is going to be a woman that lifts you up in your relationship and your life? And I want you to deeply consider that we need more women out there that actually care about men’s feelings.
I think that we would have a happier world if, uh, women cared a little bit more about the emotional pains that men went through. But to keep going on some of these turnoffs to make you aware of this, another turnoff is going to be. If you don’t have [00:11:00] ambition or a purpose in your life, it’s pretty much a dead ringer for a loss of attraction for women.
And this is not about being rich. Go ahead. Argue about women. Only want looks and money. Yeah. There are some women like that, so for sure I’ll agree with that argument for those types of women. But what pretty good level-headed women are looking for. In a man is a man who has drive ambition. He has an aim, a direction, a purpose.
He wants something from his life, and if she sees that this man wants something from his life, guess what? She starts to think, wow, this man is going somewhere. I. I can trust that he has a plan, and I find this very attractive because women are instantly turned off. When you’re coasting, when you don’t know what you want, when you’re resigned to, this is gonna be my life forever.
I’m stuck in, this is as good as it gets. Ambitious. Women these days who are very educated, very [00:12:00] driven themselves, are gonna go, what? No way. If I’m more ambitious than the man that I’m with. Um, I want a different man because she doesn’t want to, she wants to have the rights to be able to be ambitious. But believe you me, a good woman doesn’t want to be more ambitious than the man in her life.
I’d love to hear the arguments for that. Now, purpose is just masculine energy and it signals focus. It signals strength, it signals leadership. This is why a lot of women. Ooh and awe over men in military uniforms or in videos where they’re, you know, in Hollywood where they’re represented as a man that has a mission and a purpose.
And he, you know, Hollywood shows him risking his life every day for this mission and purpose. And why do women sit there eating popcorn swooning over these types of men? Because they’re like, holy shit, this guy, um, you know. He has something to believe in, to [00:13:00] fight for. And I want a man that I know, um, can fight because if he can stand up for his values and purpose, well, God dammit, he can stand up for me and that’s a man I respect And come over here.
I wanna take you into the bedroom. That is the attraction that builds when a woman has respect for a man. So without this, without some kind of ambition or purpose in your life defined by you, it can be what you want it to be, not what Hollywood says it needs to be. But if you don’t have this polarity, collapses.
It just collapses. And many of you probably can reflect back on prior relationships and go, yeah, I got a little lost at a certain point in my life and I wandered around aimlessly a little bit and, um, and, and my relationship fell apart. Or maybe you’re the kind of man who made a woman his purpose, and then you had kids and the woman’s focus went to the kids.
Instead of on each other, [00:14:00] and you didn’t have much going on outside of that. And conflict happened and your distance with your partner grew and all of a sudden you don’t have really a relationship anymore. And you say it was right after the kids were born. Well, we have to examine all the other components that might’ve changed as well.
What purpose and drive did you have in your life at this point in time? So these are things that are worth examining. And I want to also say that, look, a big turnoff is a man that has weak or non-defined boundaries. If you let people walk over you, if you avoid conflict at all costs, work, conflict, family conflict, interpersonal conflict, conflict in dating, that that arises in the early phases of dating.
If you avoid it. You’re, I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be Mr. Suave, Mr. You know, I’m not bothered by anything. You might think that’s a winning strategy, but she’s watching your behavior and saying he’s not saying anything. He doesn’t have a voice. [00:15:00] And women are subconsciously, uh, testing men all the time. We don’t know.
We’re doing it. We’re not trying to do it. It’s not to manipulate, it’s, we are trying to assess the strength and self-respect that a man has. And a man that has no boundaries will feel unsafe to women because where is the definition of who he is and what he’ll accept and not accept? He just goes with the punches all the time.
I don’t know what happens when shit hits the fan in this world and this economy. I want a man that has boundaries. It’s gonna fight for us. Gonna stand up for something, not just listen to what somebody else is saying, which is the person that then we look to for direction. So a woman is not gonna be able to trust a man who cannot protect his own time, his own energy, his own values.
And if you can’t stand up for yourself, how can you stand, um, up for a woman in your life? Another big turnoff [00:16:00] is cynicism about women and dating and man, is this a big turnoff for you guys in the reverse? Women that don’t like men or men are this, or all men are that? That’s, it’s utter extreme bullshit, right?
And if you’re on the scale of that, on the man’s side, if you’re entering dating with bitterness, resentment, all women are this. All women let themselves go. All women are toxic. All women have BA baggage. All women are X, Y, Z. That just radiates your own insecurity, and it matters because good women will pick up on that instantly and they will, they’ll leave.
You won’t even have a chance with those women. And it doesn’t have to be spoken right? This undertone of bitterness, resentment, painting women with a brush kills your connection faster than anything. It just evaporates your connection and it signals to women that you’re just not over your wounds. And, uh, it says to a woman, you’ll need to [00:17:00] carry all of this emotional baggage that I haven’t dealt with.
And women will go, I don’t have time for that. I don’t have time to carry your baggage that you’re not willing to deal with. No thank you. I have choices. I’m gonna find somebody else. And so many men that are already feeling bitterness and resentment are left further and further behind until you address the cynicism you have about dating and women and relationships and whatever’s going on in the world that you don’t agree with.
Another turnoff is gonna be your lack of presence. And this is not a video to say men are shit at all these things. This is the honest truth of the stuff that turns women and men off each other. This video, you could completely take the exact same language that I’m saying and say, women this, women that, women that.
Because you also want women that are attuned to you. You want women that have their own values, they want women that respect you. You want women that. Have a life outside of you two. You want all these things from men, women as well. And [00:18:00] because you want all these things from women as well, you have to demonstrate that you understand these things and have these things too.
So the last turnoff here is lack of presence, and that means that you get distracted easily. You’re glued to your darn phone, you’re mentally elsewhere. When you are with your date, your partner and women notice this instantly because. You’re not really with her, are you? And life is full of distractions.
And we have phone addictions and you know, you know, what’s that? You get together with friends and you all sit down and watch Netflix and nobody can find a show that someone hasn’t watched because we’re all just in this. Pattern of work TV and work tv. Well, we, we need something else going on in our lives.
We need to bring back board games and family dinners and connected activity where we get to know the people in our lives. But women will notice this because women want to be the object of your desire for like 30 minutes a day. [00:19:00] And it matters because presence is felt as a power. And if you’re absent, if your mind is elsewhere.
She doesn’t feel seen. She doesn’t feel chosen. Attraction will drop. These are the real things. That w we as human beings need to address when we are looking to have a deeply loving connection with somebody else for years and years in our lives. And if we ignore being present with each other, if we bring in cynicism to our relationships, if we have no understanding of our own boundaries, if we have no ambition or purpose, um, we are really immature.
We have a very. Uh, rigid mindset and we just don’t have a life outside of the relationship who would wanna date someone who would fit that avatar, especially when in today’s world, we have a lot of choice at our fingertips. And it’s not about women trying to find the very [00:20:00] best man in the world. And it’s not about men trying to find the very best woman in the world, but it is finding someone who.
Is in alignment. So if you want a quality woman, a quality relationship, you need to be a quality person. And none of these trait turnoffs are about being perfect. Right. They’re, they’re not, you don’t need to be perfect or have this amount of money, or be this tall or all this stuff, but you do need to be present.
You do need to be purposeful. You do need to constantly be growing and evolving and challenging your own thoughts and beliefs and actions. And if you want a woman to truly open up to you, a woman to truly respect you, um, and to stay attracted to you for the long term, not just in the very beginning, then you need to build a life that excites you first.
You. You have to like yourself and you have to like your life. Then you get to invite women into that because the right woman, right woman right, will never be turned on by a man who [00:21:00] has checked out of his own life. I hope. This message connects, clicks, creates thought for you and maybe you’re doing fantastic in most all of these areas, but the purpose isn’t there.
Or you got a lot of purpose and passion and good emotional regulation, um, but you just don’t have very good boundaries. Maybe there’s something here. You recognize, Hey, I need to do a little better here. And that’s a great question to be asking yourself because we should always be continuously evolving.
So I hope that this was helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments about everything that I’ve shared here today, um, including your frustrations or criticisms of what I’m sharing here. This is very much an open forum, but a forum. With respect, and of course if you’re looking for some support, you’re like, you know what?
I really wanna dive into understanding who I am and why my prior relationships haven’t worked out so that I can make the shifts in. My own happiness [00:22:00] and satisfaction and then attract women that I can share a beautiful life with, then you’re in the right place. I’d love to, uh, have a complimentary call with you if you think coaching or me could be the right fit for you.
There’s links to, to book that call at your leisure in your own time. Um, in the show notes here, you could head to my website, Kimberly and nina hill.com. Um, as always guys with pleasure, enjoy your day chow.
