Modern dating has turned into a gender war. But if we want real love again, we have to talk about what both men and women can do better. In this video, I share 5 things modern women need to do better, and it’s not out of blame, but from compassion and truth (and personal lessons).
P.S. If you’re a man navigating dating after divorce, don’t go it alone. My free masterclass was made for you—learn how to rebuild confidence, attract the right women, and avoid common post-divorce mistakes. Watch it here.
Ready for tailored support? Book your 1:1 dating strategy call with me here and let’s map out your next steps.
See you next week,
Kimberly
Here’s the transcript:
Most modern relationships and conversations about them. Well, they point the finger at you guys, men and things you’re gonna hear are that men need to become better communicators. Men need to become more emotionally available. Men need to do the work to rise to the standards of modern relationships.
Sure, but what if we are missing the other half of the story? What about what women need to do in order to come together and have healthy, loving relationships? Now, for a minute, let’s jump into something a little serious, which is some alarming statistics because the male crisis is real and it is showing up in ways that you simply cannot ignore, which is in the United States, men make up 80% of suicide deaths.
They die by suicide roughly three and a half [00:01:00] times more often than women, and they are dying younger in 14 out of 15 of the leading causes of death. Now these numbers have nothing to do with male weakness, but they do have to do with invisibility. So today I want to talk about something that’s just a little bit different, something that is heard less than the other narrative, which is what modern women can do better for loving relationships with men.
Now, this has nothing to do with blame. But it does have everything to do with healing love, requiring both genders to grow. Now I’m gonna share five truths. That aren’t necessarily comfortable, but they certainly are the key to rebuilding [00:02:00] connection between men and women. Now, before I dive in to these five truths that women can improve upon, um, you might be brand new to this channel and thinking, who the heck is this chick?
My name is Kimberly Hill. I’m a dating and relationship coach for men. I support good hearted men to attract. Deeply loving relationships and go on to maintain those loving relationships. And I’ve been doing this for many years now, for six years full time. I’ve been working one-on-one with men in this capacity.
Prior to this, I worked with men for approximately, I can’t remember, eight, nine years in financial derivatives. So I’ve been working with men for a. Time. And as a young girl, I had many men that I cherish loved, was attracted to take their own lives, and I developed a soft spot for men. And one of the things that I want to ask women everywhere to do a [00:03:00] little better is my first thing, my first truth, which is.
Can some women care a little more about men, because somewhere along the way, empathy for men became politically incorrect, and women in the masses started to see men as privilege, privileged, emotionless, or even dangerous. And in doing so, we stomped seeing these men as. What they are human beings, and a lot of men are silently struggling because they’re facing immense pressure to be strong, to be stoic, to be successful.
Yet there are few spaces for these men to truly be vulnerable, and women often say, not often, pretty darn often, women say they want an emotionally available man. [00:04:00] But here’s a good question to ask. Do these women create safety for men to open up? Because caring about men doesn’t mean women need to lower their standards.
It actually means they need to remember that men have needs to for appreciation, for touch, for softness, and for understanding. Because when men feel genuinely cared for. Not just for what he’s providing, but for who he actually is. He becomes his most present, his most powerful self. So truth number one, women can care more about men.
Truth number two, women can adjust expectations to be realistic. Because modern women have been told that they can have it all, [00:05:00] and that’s beautiful, and it’s also created impossible expectations and social media has harmed our ideas of romantic love because it has rewritten the love story into some damn fantasy.
I want what that woman has. I want what they have. I want the house. They live and I want the proposal she got. Why doesn’t my man do these things for me? You know what? Maybe I’m not happy in my relationship. Oh my gosh, right? Social media is rewritten. Love to be a fantasy. You take the snapshot of happiness from someone else’s life and you start pasting it all over yours thinking that’s what I deserve and what I should have.
And you know what happens? I, I, I, the beast never gets fully fed. You want the perfect man who earns six figures, who meditates, who gets up at 5:00 AM and does a cold plunge and a 10 K run, and then journals like Marcus Aurelius, [00:06:00] and then he communicates. Later, like a therapist, and you see him just enough, but not too much, and he never gets triggered when he never gets old.
This is not reality love and men don’t look like that. Real relationships are messy. They’re human. They’re full of growth, sharp edges that need to be softened over time. As a relationship develops trust and experience, right? But when be, when our expectations have gone sky high, men don’t feel like a partner.
They start feeling like a project, or they just start feeling like a. A bank or whatever it is, they might feel like, and I am not saying at all without a shadow of a doubt, that women should just settle, but it is about shifting from idealizing. Everything to actually appreciating the fact that you’re a human.
You’re [00:07:00] in a human relationship because love is not found in the flawless. And you see that. You see social media showing just those curated, edited, half fake, flawless moments and think, why don’t I have that real love is found in the realness, the mess, the truth of what you’re navigating through in your relationship.
It. And so I beg men, women out there to adjust expectations to be realistic. Now, another thing that I want women to consider is to remember that relationships are two way streets, and many women are subconsciously asking, what can this man give me? In fact, I had a recent client go on a date with a woman who brought.
A huge checklist of everything she’s looking for. Like her, her perfect man manifesto. My reaction to that is, oh my [00:08:00] gosh, what is happening? You know? This is a human being you’re meeting with. You know, you’re not ordering some AI robot, which is probably where we’re gonna go. And then we realize that perfection really doesn’t make us happy, and we’re all a really depressed society, but women are subconsciously asking, what can this man give me?
Instead of asking a really important question, which is, what can we build together? Because real love isn’t 50 50, it’s a hundred, a hundred. It’s two people showing up fully, taking turns, leading, supporting, and stretching for one another, not just one way. In today’s culture, there was a lot of taking. I need validation, I need security, I need attention.
I needed to text me back immediately. I need you to work really hard, but be home all the time. And then what am I giving back? Because relationships thrive when both individuals are willing to compromise both of them, not just, I need my [00:09:00] man to compromise. You need to compromise too, to adapt and to see the other person’s perspective.
Even if in the moment you think you’re damn right, because true partnership isn’t about control and who’s winning and who earns more and who does this, it’s about true collaboration. Uh, nobody can thrive in a connection that feels one sided. I know many men that have tried for many years, many women that have tried for many year years only to realize it just doesn’t work.
And now I’m really tired right now. Something I really like women to do more of is to compliment men more. Now, this one sounds simple. But it’s way deeper than it seems because men rarely receive compliments. They don’t get them from strangers hardly. Not really from their partners, definitely not from their parents as much as they’d like, not from their friends as much as they’d like.
Certainly not from their bosses and coworkers, yet many men would literally die for the people they love. Think about that for a [00:10:00] second. They hardly get compliments, words of affirmation from the people. They would literally jump in front of a bus to save. Think about that for a second. Okay. And this was highlighted in The Boy Crisis by Warren Ferrell.
He writes about how men are socially conditioned to protect and provide often to the point of self-sacrifice. We see this in the raw data. Men make up. Overwhelming majority of workplace deaths, military casualties, first responder fatalities. But it’s not just the fact that men are risking their lives in more dangerous jobs to provide for their families.
Men would literally sacrifice themselves if it meant that they could keep their partner and their families alive. Men risk everything often without hearing a single word of appreciation. So when I say compliment him, I don’t mean flattery. I mean, actual recognition. I love how hard you work. You look really handsome [00:11:00] today.
I feel so safe and at home when I’m with you. Thank you for everything you do, because words like these didn’t take very long to string together, and they might sound small, but for a man who is silently giving everything, they mean everything. And last but not least, what I really would like to encourage women to do more is to own your behavior.
Men aren’t the enemy. Somewhere along the path of female empowerment, a little bit of accountability got lost. In some cases, a lot of accountability got lost. Women have been taught to be strong, um, to be independent, to be powerful, to be, you know, which is really beautiful qualities. I remember my mother instilled that in me.
My mother and my father are still together, mind you. But my mom taught me to be very independent, to be fierce, to be strong, to think for myself, stand on my own two feet. And that was really, really helpful for me. [00:12:00] But some of that strength turned into my own defensiveness. Defensiveness that sounded for many years, like my relationship failed and it was his fault.
My real, my next relationship failed, and it was his fault. And oh, my next relationship felt, oh, guess what? It was his fault. Until I actually realized, ha, I’m effing up here. Maybe my hyper independence is shutting us down. Maybe this fierce strength that I have is, is causing me to not be able to emotionally connect to my partner.
Here is the truth. Sometimes women withdraw. Sometimes women manipulate, sometimes we withhold love to feel powerful. Those aren’t just female flaws, they’re human patterns. Men, women experience those. This isn’t just flaws of uh, you know, one gender. So owning [00:13:00] one’s behavior, women standing up and owning their own behavior, it doesn’t make them weak, doesn’t make you a weak woman.
It makes you emotionally mature. Even I, for many years had to work on my vocal chords to cough out from the crypt, those words, I’m sorry. And still my partner would admit that it feels like he has to really tug those words out of me. For me to take responsibility for my role in whatever dynamic has unfolded in our relationship.
I gotta cough the words, I’m sorry, outta the crypt and look at my own behavior and everything. But the truth is, when women take responsibility, it creates space for men to do the same, and that’s where healing begins. Not in the blame, in the self-awareness, which is why I call upon women to examine their behavior.
In relationships as well, because the deeper truth is that relationships are not a gender war. [00:14:00] They are a mirror, and men and women are reflecting back to each other what the other has forgotten. Women remind men to feel and men remind women to trust. The more women soften, the more men rise. The more men feel safe, the more they open up.
Because healing isn’t about who has more power. It’s about the beautiful partnership that you are building. Now, if you are a woman watching this. Take this message as an invitation, not as an accusation. If you’re a man, know that your voice, your heart, your wellbeing actually matters and you need to advocate for that because we can’t fix the modern dating crisis by continuing to shame each other.
Men are all this, women are all this, but then here’s this perfect picture of my relationship. Like I have all figured out. [00:15:00] Both sides need to grow, and that’s where we create space for actual love to return. So if this message resonated, I’d love to hear your comments below and tell me what you think modern dating and relationships truly need to heal today.
And I would challenge you to phrase that in a way that takes ownership as well. Thank you guys for tuning in Caio
