Most guys assume women are only motivated by attraction or money. Sure, that matters to some. But if you ask good-hearted women who are looking for real, long-term love… the truth is, what makes a man irresistible are his habits. It’s how you live your life. It’s how you treat yourself. It’s the unseen things you do daily that shape your energy, your confidence, and the way women feel when they’re with you. In this video, I share the 5 unseen habits that make men magnetic, and I tell real client stories that prove why these habits work. If you’ve been worried that women only care about looks, status, or money, this video will reframe everything. These habits don’t just make you attractive, they make you a stronger, happier man in every part of your life.
P.S. If you’re a man navigating dating after divorce, don’t go it alone. My free masterclass was made for you—learn how to rebuild confidence, attract the right women, and avoid common post-divorce mistakes. Watch it here.
Ready for tailored support? Book your 1:1 dating strategy call with me here and let’s map out your next steps.
See you next week,
Kimberly
Here’s the transcript:
If you ask the average guy what he thinks motivates women to be interested in men, my guess is they’re going to say it has to do with attraction and money naturally, but the real truth is what actually makes good women. Okay. Let’s filter out the anomalies here. Let’s go on the bell curve of normal distribution.
What makes. Good hearted women who are seeking deeply meaningful relationships. What makes these women interested in men are the man’s habits. How this guy lives his life, how he feels about himself, the small, unseen things that men do that you do that shape your energy. That shape your confidence and that contribute to the way [00:01:00] women are gonna feel around this kind of man or you.
So today I want to share with you the five unseen habits that make men like you. Magnetic, and I wanna tell you real stories that actually prove why these things work. So if you are worried that women simply look to men for their looks or money, you’re going to be right. In some cases, some women are purely motivated by those factors, maybe one more than the other.
To be honest, but a lot of good hearted women that really wanna have meaningful relationships care deeply about men. They often challenge men because they see that man’s potential, and that’s why I wanna share these five unseen habits that you are either gonna recognize you are doing or not doing, that actually make you quite [00:02:00] attractive on a whole, not just physically, but attractive on a whole to.
Women. Now welcome to my channel. I am a whole year older since the last video I put out, I’m feeling creaky in my bones. Um, and if you’re new to this channel, welcome aboard. We talk all things life, dating and relationships. I try to do it with an air of realness. Uh, I want my content to be relatable. I want.
You to feel like you are listening to a friend who actually cares about you, because in fact, I do. I’ve been doing this work for many years now. I work one-on-one with men. I’ve met hundreds and hundreds of amazing men that are successful professionally, that are entrepreneurial, that have had marriages and raised amazing kids, but for some reason, their relationships to women don’t really.
Give them the pleasure or satisfaction or longevity that they’re truly hoping for. And that’s what I want to [00:03:00] help more men and ultimately help more women achieve is healthy long-term relationships. Realistic, healthy, long-term relationships, not relationships, born out of fantasy or manipulation, but really cultivating a community of people that deeply care about relationships.
So today I wanna share. Why habits matter so much more than the memorized lines you can spew to a woman you see at a bar. And the truth is that women aren’t attracted to facts about you. Okay? I’ve said this many times on my channel that women don’t connect to logic all the time. They certainly don’t connect to facts or men that kind of share their personal resume.
I’ve done this, I’ve achieved this. I’ve traveled here. What they are attracted to is how you live your life, and they are most definitely attracted to how they feel, okay when they are with [00:04:00] you. So pick up lines, dating tricks. Fill your roots, okay? ’cause these things fade. They’re not sustainable. They’re tricks, they’re gimmicks.
But habits, true habits, the way you show up, the way you live your life, that what lasts, that’s what builds presence, builds energy, and ultimately demonstrates maturity, emotional maturity, intellectual maturity. And that’s what women notice, even if they’re not saying these things out loud to you. So this is why your habits really matter.
Now let’s talk about what these five unseen habits are that make men irresistible. And the first one is, no brainer, guys, caring for your body. Not so you can go what Kimberly, you just said that women are only attracted to money and looks or, you know, uh, wallet size and, and attraction. Yeah, of course. But what we’re really interested in is.
How you treat your body, [00:05:00] right? If you take care of your body, it represents that you respect yourself. So I’m not saying you need to have a particular looking physique. Some, maybe some women are desperate for a particular body. I know a lot of men like certain body types. Why? Because what it represents youthfulness, sexual desire, vitality, self-respect.
Well, it’s the same thing back to you. Women care about how you take care of your body because it shows that you have high levels of self respect. And again, this is not superficial. Six pack abs. That’s not necessarily superficial. If you have six pack abs, good for fricking you. But what it means is energy.
It means vitality. It means presence. It means someone that is attuned to his own physicality, right? Who cares about what he consuming and how he’s [00:06:00] representing his himself. And this has everything to do with. The sleep you get to how you choose to move your body. And it doesn’t mean that you have to be a gym buff.
You might cycle, you might, uh, go on long walks. You might, um, chop wood in your backyard, which by the way is proven to increase testosterone, by the way. And also it has to do with what you eat because this translates into how attractive. You feel to other people. Now, I had a client in his early fifties and he was always very exhausted.
He was always very down on himself and he really just said like, I really don’t think women are attracted to me anymore, and we. Started small with him, we started to actually cut out some of the habits that he objectively knew were [00:07:00] holding him back, not what I thought would be best for his life, but he agreed that cutting out some of the weeknight drinking.
Was gonna be helpful for him and that if he could, ’cause he worked from home as well. And what he found is we kind of roll outta bed and, and you’d go into the kitchen, he’d have some food and then he kind of like stumbled to his office. So we recognized that him just getting outta the house for a bit to do a morning walk.
Um, really cleared his mind. It got him out in nature into sunlight. Vitamin D was very, very healthy routine for him. And so a month later, just by making these two small changes, cutting out a little bit of drinking, which made him more productive in many other ways, um, it helped his sleep and getting out for this, um, morning walk before he would sat, sat down at his desk within a month, I kid you not, within a month, he was starting to notice attention and comments from women.
Women saying things to him like, you seem lighter. You have some really nice energy about you. And nothing, by the way, in his dating [00:08:00] profile had changed. His waistline didn’t drop by 20 pounds. What changed was how he was taking care of himself, and women picked up on that energy instantly because something transforms in your DNA, I swear it does.
When you start to care for yourself, you treat yourself the way you wanna be treated by other people, right? And that transforms outward. So I have to start with the habit of really caring for your body, and that’s holistically caring for your body. Not just the chisel gym, it’s moving your body. It’s what you feed, it’s how you rest and relax all of the components that make up taking care of oneself, grooming, washing your hair, using products that are natural, that don’t have.
Um, you know, hormone disruptors in, um, there’s a long list of things you can do to start caring for your body, and that’s going to be reflected to [00:09:00] women. They will notice it. I can guarantee you they notice when you don’t. Now, the second unseen habit is what’s called the habit of curiosity. Now, interesting men, irresistible men, they don’t.
Wait to be interesting. They make conversations interesting. By, guess what? By showing interest, this is a big cycle of interest, right? So being curious about somebody else, even if it’s. Honest to God, not something that you are that excited about. Being curious about what lights somebody else up or lights a woman up is gonna make her feel really good around you, and she’s gonna be curious about you, and you create this cycle of curiosity that actually helps you emotionally connect to one another.
So curiosity draws people in because it shifts the focus away from I need to prove how great I am, and it puts the focus onto, let’s build a connection. Okay. Okay. [00:10:00] So practicing curiosity in small daily ways really strengthens your social presence everywhere. Okay. I think it’s probably one of the major lessons.
It’s been ages since I read Dale Carnegie’s book on how to win friends and influence people. I’m pretty confident he talks about being curious on other people. And another man that I coached was very, very painfully shy. Okay. And on dates he often would freeze. And he would try and like re like pre-work with me.
He would try and kind of remember things that he wanted to say on the, on his dates that he thought would, you know, connect and impress these women. Um, and then he would freeze because he was trying to remember stuff and he wasn’t really focusing on the woman in front of him. So what we started to practice was very tiny habits.
And what the tiny habit was, was kind of. Each time he had a micro interaction or interacted with somebody out at the coffee shop, the grocery store, um, I told him to ask one genuine question a day to a stranger, right? The barista, [00:11:00] the the guy at the gym, whatever. The cashier, and within weeks. His dates, by the way that he was then going on started to feel a heck of a lot different.
And he even got feedback from one woman that said, you know, you’re the first guy that actually made me feel like you wanted to get to know me. Bingo, right? So he shifted from impressing, uh, I need to tell this person all about me. Um, or kind of teach them something to really just asking questions to build curiosity and connection.
And a lot of us think we’re very good at asking questions. Many of us are not particularly good at asking expansive questions that get people to really open up and reveal themselves. And here’s something that a lot of people don’t think about when they go on dates with women. You need to build rapport.
Just the way I build rapport with clients. You gotta get to know each other. You gotta establish what this relationship dynamic looks like. Gotta build a little bit of a level of trust. Trust obviously is built in layers and time and through consistency and [00:12:00] repeated actions and following through with things.
But you can build rapport on a date. How do you build rapport? We don’t build rapport by just. Talking about yourself, right? You build rapport by genuine, genuinely caring about the other person, and asking great questions and giving them space to respond, um, and being genuine about all of that. And curiosity, by the way, is a habit.
So the more you practice it, guys, the more natural it feels. And women really do love men who are genuinely interested in them, not just wanting to talk about themselves and. The same goes the other way around. When you’re on a date with a woman and she talks all about herself, the whole time you’re thinking like, ah, you were hot and now you’re not.
Right? So the third unseen habit. Is the habit of having some damn boundaries. And boundaries are hugely attractive because they signal self-respect. Just like taking care of your body, [00:13:00] boundaries are not something you do to limit other people. They are things that you, you affect into your own life to support yourself So.
Saying No calmly and confidently shows that you value your own time and energy, and women naturally will feel safer with men who set boundaries and can do that quite artfully by the way. Uh, because it shows stability and it shows leadership. And so I, you know, I often actually have many different clients who overextend themselves with women in particular, and they kind of self-diagnose themselves as anxious or people pleasers.
And so there was one client I’m thinking of in particular where if a woman kind of texted him, like at midnight, um, even if he was sleeping, he’d wake up hearing the ding in the message and he will reply. Mm. [00:14:00] So it was like no even boundaries with his own personal sleep and time, right? He thought, I have to respond.
I have to be available. And if this woman, by the way, canceled, um, on him, he would still chase her. And he really, truly, deep down believed that it was demonstrating that he cared. But it actually was showing the opposite and really it was representing the opposite. Um, it was representing that he cared more about what other people think of him than what he thinks of himself.
So we really had to focus on boundary work. And, um, and, and one of the things that you can actually do to set boundaries is how many times have you heard a guy say, or I’ve heard a guy say that he’s gone on a first date and it like lasted six hours. Holy macaroni. Right? So one of the boundaries that I got this client in particular to work on was ending a date after two hours, no matter how well it was going.
And by the way, there’s, there’s some huge benefit to doing that, especially if you leave a date on a high, it keeps her wanting more. It’s called [00:15:00] the Zegar Effect. I have another video on it, but what’s important is saying like, Hey, I, I left quite a lot of time for us to connect and get to know each other, but.
I am going to cut this off at some point. And so he tried this once with a woman and she actually gave him feedback in, in, in some combination of words. She said something to the effect of, um, like, you’re so intentional. It’s really refreshing how intentional you are. And there was something about just how he.
Told her that he was really enjoying the connection, but he did have to go because he had other things to do, um, and that made her want him more. So boundaries don’t push women away. They make you more attractive because guess what? Like all of these things, they show self respect. Women want you to respect yourself.
How well are you respecting your whole self from your mind to your body? [00:16:00] Right? Another unseen habit that really, really, by the way, this is the one that keeps women around for the long term, is the habit of creating joy in your own life, men. Men like yourself who work on building your own joy become so magnetic because women want to join a life that already feels alive, has a pulse.
So relying on a partner to fix your boredom. Is not a strategy for successful relationships or dating. In fact, it signals quite heavily neediness, right? And um, desperation that you want somebody to save you from your own life. So when you actually work on creating moments of joy, and by the way, that can be [00:17:00] done in a lot of different, if you like cooking, that could be creating joy if you like.
You know, getting together with friends that’s creating joy. Doesn’t matter what it is, it has to be joyful to you. And that’s the most important thing. ’cause passion shines through. So when you create joy, it signals. That you have your own independence, that you’re an individual who enjoys your own life.
It shows and demonstrates that passion. And again, it has everything to do with the psychology of how women feel around a man who’s actually doing things in his life that create him joy. Um, just the other night my partner was. Creating his own joy. He was in our garage using his wood lathe that his dad had when they were growing up.
His dad was a shop teacher at one point in time. Um, and I, I’m a little bit jealous about this because the school I went to didn’t teach. Any of these skills. They didn’t teach mechanics, they didn’t teach woodworking, they didn’t teach any of that. It was very structured on the intellectual side of things.
And you know what my partner was [00:18:00] doing the other day? He happened to be sparking his own joy and he was making and turning this gorgeous bowl on the wood lathe that he gave me as one of my birthday presents, which I am just, just made me really connected and attracted to him. We weren’t even spending time together.
He was just doing something that brought him joy. I was doing something that brought me joy. And this was the, the what was birthed out of that joy, which brings me more joy because it’s sitting here on my death. So it’s just, I bring that up ’cause it’s just a recent thing that happened in our lives that’s just demonstrating that doing things that bring you passion, even if it’s working with wood or.
Flying a kite in the park doesn’t really matter. Um, makes you attractive because it means you’re living your own life intentionally, that you’re having fun, that you know how to bring that and contribute that to a relationship. So the last unseen habit, and I just need a little sip of coffee here ’cause it is early [00:19:00] as I record these, it’s cold coffee now is the habit of emotional reflection.
Like many of the major stoics would journal. About their thoughts and their emotions, not so that they can dump emotions on the world, but having emotional reflection that men who and women, right, who reflect on their own life experiences and look at it from different perspectives, show maturity. Yeah, and it’s also ends up being the type of people that don’t repeat their mistakes because they are aware of their contribution and the circumstances surrounding it.
So emotional reflection means you’re actually choosing. To grow from your past, you’re making that choice. It’s a deliberate choice. ’cause there’s the other deliberate choice, which is not reflecting or growing from your past and maybe continuing to complain about it. Um, and so emotional, uh, [00:20:00] reflection means you’ve grown from your past.
You’re not just carrying your past around and this habit. Okay. This habit separates men who complain. The, typically the men who will say women are only after money and looks typically. Th those types of men the same, that group of women that say like, men just care about looks and whatever, right? It’s this habit that separates men who complain from men who lead with wisdom.
Those are attractive men. Now, a client wants told me that every date felt like a darn interview, and this happens a lot. We get a little stiff, we’re outta practice. Um, but the reason that this was happening was. Why did this date feel like an interview? And we really started to unpack it is because he recognized he was hiding his true feelings, and he was really kind of only asking questions.
So he is like, he took the curiosity thing, Dar art, but not the self-reflection part. So he was hiding his own [00:21:00] feelings and deflecting and asking questions of the, uh, the, the woman he was on a date with. So the habit that he needed to develop was once a week. Write down a lesson that he had learned from his past relationships or his own experience to start developing that muscle of having one’s own personal anecdotes and one’s own personal stories of growth to contribute to life.
And he also learned a lot from that. And so when he went on future dates, he was able to speak in such a way that he could say things like, I really learned that patience is what holds a relationship together. And he would get feedback from women that. And, and, and I remember very vividly, I’m trying to remember exactly what, what this woman said to him as he relayed to me, but she said something to the effect of, um, I like something like, I realize you’re different.
There’s something about the energy that he brought to a date, and she went like. When you were kind of sharing your [00:22:00] own personal story, she’s like, this is when it clicked in this woman’s brain that you were a different guy, a guy that she was really interested in. So reflection is a habit, and when you own your own lessons, women see that maturity.
Um, you, you become wiser. Right. And you need some wisdom to navigate today’s modern dating world. So get wise, um, and that becomes very irresistible to women. So these habits, guys, these are not mind blowing, obscure, dating, hack manipulation tactics. These are genuine things that are not only going to make you.
More satisfied in your own damn life, but are gonna just attract many women to you so much. So if you truly do this genuinely that you will have ample choice in whom you want to actually build a relationship with. Because women are not healthy women. Let’s caveat that we’re talking about the bell curve.
Healthy women are not looking for [00:23:00] perfect men. They are looking for men who are in motion, right? So if you’re a little bit older in your life and you think, well. You know, I’ve already learned everything. Well, shit, that’s your first problem because there’s still a lot to learn, so. Women are looking for men that are in motion, men who are continuing to build themselves, not just saying, I’ve reached a pinnacle and I’m, I’m giving up now.
It’s men who are living with energy, with purpose, and that big one, that self-respect thing because habits create that and you don’t need to talk about them. Women feel these things and so I really hope that today by listening to this, you’re going. Shit, maybe having success with women starts here. It starts with me how I show up, how I’m treating myself.
Because what happens is a lot of the men I work with, I come across, they’re looking for external solutions and answers to problems that are born. From within. And these unseen habits are what [00:24:00] make you irresistible, how you treat your body, your level of curiosity, your own boundaries. And by the way, you’ll learn about your own boundaries by doing your emotional reflection on past relationships.
Um, and then when you realize there’s a lot of great lessons out there and you’re treating your body well, and you’re being curious about people in the world, you’re gonna find way more opportunities to spark joy in your life because women don’t wanna save you just as much as you don’t wanna save women.
They wanna join you. And when you live your life with habits that radiate this confidence and radiate this maturity, no matter your age, because age does not make you mature, reflection on your life makes you more mature. Um, the right women will find you very magnetic. So believe this, okay? And of course, if you need help with this or your mindset is stuck, or you know, you’re saying, I’m doing all these things, but you know, help me translate this into the.
The dating world, Kimberly. Well then of course, I’d be more than happy to have a, a conversation with you. I always start with a, a [00:25:00] complimentary consultation. September is crazy. Off the charts busy. But if you can find some time in the calendar, I’d be more than happy to get to know you, see if coaching is the right modality for you, or maybe you just get some feedback that you’re on the right track and keep doing what you’re doing.
Um, and so, uh, I appreciate you guys. Thank you for tuning in. If you haven’t subscribed to the channel, I usually don’t say this, but please subscribe. I’m, I’m feeling overjoyed with the fact that the number is continuing to grow. Uh, I’m gonna do my own little celebration. Um, with some friends and family when I hit 50,000, um, subscribers, which is really cool.
And I don’t, I don’t really see it as subscribers. I see it as people, part of a community of wanting to grow and learn and evolve. And there’s lots of great out people out there that are sharing great information. Hopefully I’m one of them, not the only one. Um, and it’s always a pleasure to create these videos.
Uh, so see you guys all next time. Chow.
