In this episode, I’ll be sharing a powerful case study to explain why men not only prefer confident women but also have better and healthier relationships with them. Follow the journey of Mark as he dates two different women and experiences two vastly different dynamics. Discover how confidence and emotional ownership in a partner can create the conditions for a secure, relaxed, and fulfilling relationship.
P.S. If you’re a man navigating dating after divorce, don’t go it alone. My free masterclass was made for you—learn how to rebuild confidence, attract the right women, and avoid common post-divorce mistakes. Watch it here.
Ready for tailored support? Book your 1:1 dating strategy call with me here and let’s map out your next steps.
See you next week,
Kimberly
In this video guys, I wanna show you why men don’t just prefer confident women. You actually will do better in relationships with them. And instead of listing a bunch of traits or theories with you guys today, I am gonna walk you through a simple case study, the same man. Who goes on dates with two different women and has two very different relationship experiences.
So as you follow along with these two case studies, I want you to understand which one do you naturally end up gravitating to towards? Now, if you’ve ever felt confused about why one connection felt really intense but unstable and another connection felt really calm, but made you actually question the attraction.
Then this video and the case study I’m gonna share with you today is gonna bring a lot of clarity. Now, welcome to this channel. My name is Kimberly Hill. I support good hearted men to attract and keep deeply loving [00:01:00] relationships. And if you’ve been following my content for a while, thank you for your continued support.
And if you’re new to this channel, buckle up as we’re talking about all things life and dating and navigating relationships, and hopefully bringing some lightness into it. And hopefully leaving you with something that you can do that’s actionable. After watching every video, my intention is always to bring clarity, not more confusion.
Now, one of the things I’m gonna talk to you about today, or let’s, let’s set the scene here. Let’s, let’s call our guy Mark. Mark’s a great name. Let’s call our guy Mark. Now, mark is emotionally available. Mark, you know, has had a relationship before he is been divorced and, but he’s, he’s worked on himself, right?
He’s done his healing and he’s very. Emotionally available for his next relationship. And he wants a healthy, loving relationship. He doesn’t want, you know, another notch in his belt. He’s not looking for drama, but he does want chemistry. And Mark is very [00:02:00] thoughtful. He communicates pretty darn well. He shows up and over a few years, mark has dated two women and on paper.
These women are quite similar. They’re both very attractive. They’re both very intelligent. They’re both successful, but internally, the experience of being with ’em could not be more different. Which one are you? Case study number one, the first woman that mark dates. She’s very impressive on paper. Her.
She’s very driven. She’s very capable, and she’s very independent as a result of that, and he’s very attracted to that. And early on, the chemistry with this woman is very intense. They’re texting constantly. It’s really exciting. They’re sending long messages to one another. They go on dates that last four or five hours in the beginning of getting to know one another.
And there’s a lot of deep sharing very quickly it feels like. [00:03:00] Wow, this woman knows me. Or where has this woman been all of my life? And therefore, intimacy happens very quickly and it feels very charged for Mark. This emotional, uh, closeness escalates quite quickly. Mark literally says he finally feels wanted in a relationship.
He feels chosen. He actually feels fucking important for a change, and he’s really connected to these feelings. But slowly. Subtle things begin to shift. Mark notices that if he doesn’t respond right away on text, the woman he’s dating becomes very distant, and then later he’ll ask, is everything okay? Or she says absolutely nothing to him and just notices her energy is off.
Now Mark might go and make some plans with friends. And then finds that his date, who has been [00:04:00] kind of giving him the silent treatment, gets even more quiet with him. Not angry at him, certainly doesn’t tell him anything or give him any clarity. She just kind of withdraws from everything. And so Mark starts thinking, shit, what have I done here?
Right? He starts replaying conversations in his head. He’s asking himself like, did I say something wrong? He’s kind of going back over past text messages to say like, you know, what mistake did I make? Right? And he goes like, what text was too short or too curt, or too whatever? And you know, he thinks, yeah, maybe I should just check in with her again.
So he starts adjusting and now he’s texting more than he naturally would, and he’s reassuring her more than feels. Necessary. And he’s explaining himself more even when he’s not really sure what’s wrong or if anything is even wrong. And so what happens is when conflict comes up, he’s feeling quite confused by it.
Mark’s going like, I don’t really know. [00:05:00] Ha. Logically, he cannot figure out how he’s gotten to where he’s gotten to. And this woman that he is dating says she really wants closeness from him. But when he tries to lean in, she seems to get really overwhelmed or get very busy, and she’s pulling away emotionally.
And then, then what happens is she kind of reemerges needing all of this reassurance from him. And so Mark’s quite confused. The sex has drastically changed as well. It’s still frequent, but it’s feeling very different for him. It’s much less playful. It’s mu much less present. Um, and it’s kind of more about like proving desire to one another.
And so what happens is Mark notices that when he’s not with this woman. His mind is not at rest. He’s missing her intensely. He’s missing that connection they had in the beginning, and he really wants that back. And so he is checking his phone, you know, often and finds that it, you know, [00:06:00] it was kind of a distractor in his day, especially at work.
Um, and he’s, but he’s feeling this immense pull towards her, which is why he’s digging into this recess is to figure out how to solve everything even though he knows something, feels a little off. There is this kind of constant low grade tension in his body at all times, and he is mistaking this tension for connection.
Over time, mark starts to feel quite tired, and it’s not because he doesn’t care, it’s because the relationship feels like it is something he has to manage on top of everything else in his life. Okay, now that’s my rewind noise. Let’s rewind Mark. Prior to dating this woman, and he is the same guy as he was in the beginning, but he is now dating a completely different woman.[00:07:00]
Case study number two. The second woman he dates is equally as successful, but that’s not what stands out to him. What stands out is how she feels to be around now from the beginning, things move at a more natural pace. They’re texting with each other, but it’s not constantly, and it’s not always necessarily long conversations, and he notices there’s more space in between their interactions and the space doesn’t feel threatening to him.
Um, because when Mark is busy, she’s not questioning it. And when she’s busy, he, she doesn’t overexplain it either. And when something doesn’t feel right between ’em, um, they’re noticing that they’re addressing it with each other. They’re speaking up calmly. They’re not emotionally charged, they’re not blaming each other.
They’re not just like slow ghosting or, or pulling the silent treatment. There’s just a lot of clarity here. And so [00:08:00] Mark is kind of going. Mm-hmm. I don’t really need to brace myself here. He’s feeling quite relaxed in his body. He is laughing more easily with her. He’s really much more himself, and when they get to this point of intimacy, sex feels much different too.
It feels slower. It feels very present. It feels very. Mutual. There is no sense of needing to perform or reassure each other through this intimacy. It just feels like nice, pure connection, but after a while, something unexpected happens. Okay? Mark starts to doubt things. He notices that when he’s apart from this woman, he is fine.
He’s noticing that he’s focused on work. He’s enjoying his time with friends. He doesn’t feel pulled or preoccupied by this. He’s not obsessing about whether a message is gonna come on his phone. [00:09:00] And so what happens is Q, the self-sabotage, right? Mark starts to think, why don’t I miss her more? Why don’t I feel the same intensity with her?
Why does this all feel too easy? What’s. Going on. Maybe this woman isn’t for me. Maybe this is too boring. Maybe her chemistry just not, doesn’t exist in large enough doses. He starts to wonder if maybe she’s just too available for him. Maybe it’s just too calm or too steady, and for a moment, mark worries that maybe this relationship is lacking the chemistry that he is seeking for.
But instead of reacting to this. Mark pauses and he actually looks at the true experience he’s having with this woman. He notices that when he is not with her, he feels quite grounded. His nervous system is very [00:10:00] calm. He’s not constantly checking his phone. He’s not constantly worried about losing her.
And when Mark is with this woman, he feels very open and very present and very connected, and in fact very creative. And that’s when something clicks the intensity that he felt with the first woman wasn’t intimacy. It was anxiety. It was Mark’s nervous system staying completely activated because the connection felt really uncertain.
She was there and then she wasn’t there, and then she was long messages, and then she was short Kurt messages. But with the second woman, the woman who was internally a confident woman, a very consistent woman, there wasn’t this activation because there wasn’t anything to manage in this relationship. Okay.
And feeling at ease when you’re not with [00:11:00] somebody is one of the strongest indicators of emotional safety. But here’s the real difference between these two relationships. The first woman wasn’t insecure woman, an insecure woman who needed the relationship to regulate her emotions. Whereas the second woman, the confident woman, she regulated herself and she then brought that stability into the relationship.
One dynamic was keeping Mark very, very alert, and the other allowed him to relax completely. The first dynamic created a lot of pressure. And the second created a lot of space, sometimes a little too much space where he self-doubt himself, but he recognized that it was the right kind of space and intimacy can only grow in space.
So this is why men to be [00:12:00] with confident women. Whether they consciously realize it or not, because confident women will create the conditions where you don’t need to feel responsible for her emotional world, where you don’t feel like one misstep or one mistake is gonna cost you everything. You’re not in a house of cards where a confident woman actually creates the conditions where you can exhale.
And when a man can exhale, guys, when you can be with a woman and actually like relax and be yourself, you become the best version of yourself. You become more present, you become more generous, you become more loving. And that’s where secure attachment forms, that’s where desire. Stays alive. And that’s where relationships deepen instead of, um, effectively draining you.
And so when you’re dating women, I want you to think about which [00:13:00] woman are you dating and how are you thinking about each woman? Because confidence isn’t about how attractive or successful a woman is. It’s not about her independence. Both of these women have that. It’s about emotional ownership. And they both didn’t have that one did.
So when you learn to spot that in women and recognize that confidence is demonstrated inconsistency of behavior, when you learn that you will stop confusing anxiety with chemistry. And you will start choosing relationships that actually, uh, feel good to live inside. You’re in the relationship not managing the relationship because if you are out there dating, I guarantee you’ve experienced a little bit of both versions.
Maybe more case study number one, maybe you’ve lived more in anxious relationships. Um, and so it’s gonna be. Different. You’re gonna have to have a level of discernment to recognize when you’re in the [00:14:00] other one and not talk yourself out of that, right? Because your body already knows which one of these will lead to peace.
But you have to make that conscious choice not to choose that heightened activation system or anxiety because you’ve confused that with intensity and love. Confidence is not about success. It’s not about independence with women, it’s about how well a woman has emotional ownership and can be a consistent force in your life.
Now, I hope this has been helpful. I hope this has created a different kind of perspective, um, that you can recognize which one of these relationships you find yourself in. And make sure that you’re focusing on whether you’re getting the right signs from women, consistency, slowness, and natural rhythm, rather than chasing that real intensity that most of us can get very easily drawn to.
Especially if we’re dating [00:15:00] again after a divorce because we may have been lacking passion and play in our life. When we confuse that intensity with this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It’s a really big activated attachment system. So I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments below, guys.
Which women are you dating in your lives? Are you dating the woman who’s deeply insecure and using the relationship to reassure her? Or are you dating a woman who’s very. Secure within herself and sees the relationship as a beautiful extension of a life she’s already happy with. Which one do you naturally get drawn to?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments below. You can share your wisdom as well from your own lived experience for those that are on this channel and reading the comments as well. Thanks guys. Look forward to another episode next week. Ciao.
