Dating can be one of the most frustrating and challenging aspects of your forties. If you haven\u2019t dated in years, you\u2019re walking into an entirely new world of online dating, catfishing, ghosting, and love bombing amongst other challenging aspects of the dating scene.<\/p>\n
If you are struggling to find a special someone or you simply need some fresh perspective, here are seven reasons why you might find dating challenging and what you can do about it.<\/p>\n
1. You haven\u2019t taken the time to heal from your breakup or divorce.<\/strong> One reason why many of us struggle with dating is simply that we aren\u2019t ready to be on the dating market again. It takes time to heal from a meaningful relationship and your healing process shouldn\u2019t be taken lightly. If you haven\u2019t officially separated from your partner, you\u2019re still living together (even in separate rooms) or your divorce isn\u2019t final, consider holding off on dating. During your split, focus on rebuilding your friendships and re-starting some of your old hobbies and passions to rediscover who you are before you invite someone new into your life.<\/p>\n 2. You have lost your sense of identity.<\/strong> Many of us struggle to make sense of our emotions and identity when we become single. If you\u2019ve been married before or recently gotten out of a long-term relationship you\u2019ll need some time to rediscover your passion and purpose for life as a single person. Too often, recent divorcees hit the dating market to fill the gap from their previous partner and end up in toxic or unhealthy relationship cycles. We want to begin dating when we are clear on who we are and we\u2019ve learned the important lessons from our previous relationship. Ask yourself, what are 2 things you\u2019d like to start doing again and why?<\/p>\n 3. You\u2019re not clear on what you want from a relationship or partner.<\/strong> If you want to get into a new and healthy relationship, it\u2019s essential to understand what you value in a partner and a relationship. If you\u2019re dating and you haven\u2019t thought about why these values are important to you or what kind of relationship you want, you\u2019re not ready to be dating. Are you looking to be in a monogamous relationship? Do you want to get married again? How will you tackle the issues that weren\u2019t dealt with in prior relationships?<\/p>\n 4. You don\u2019t know how to market yourself online.<\/strong> If you\u2019re new to online dating, then you\u2019re probably new to marketing yourself online. Many of us are making common errors on our dating profiles that hurt our chances of success. Old photos, negativity and ambiguity are all elements that will hurt your chances online, especially for men. Consider hiring a dating coach<\/strong><\/span><\/a> to help you with your profile, or hire a local photographer to get crisp, updated and profile-worthy photos. While we can\u2019t please everyone online, it\u2019s important to thoughtfully create a profile that attracts the right kind of matches. You\u2019ll avoid a lot of frustration by curating a thoughtful profile.<\/p>\n 5. You treat your dates like interviews.<\/strong> If you haven\u2019t dated in a while, it\u2019s easy to treat your dates like an interview and ruin your first date chemistry. While we all want to ask good questions and learn about our date, it\u2019s more important to relax, enjoy yourself and see whether there is a natural connection. The first date is simply about assessing whether there was enough intrigue to go on a second date. It\u2019s impossible to learn everything about someone on the first date. Choose date venues that allow you to feel comfortable and at ease so you can focus on genuine connection versus impressing your date. While a fancy dinner is a nice gesture, it\u2019s also acceptable to take your date on a walk, grab a coffee, or take the edge off doing something fun like mini golf.<\/p>\n 6. You are too anxious during the dating process.<\/strong> While many of us feel anxious going on dates, if you aren\u2019t managing your emotions you might come across as needy, or overwhelming to your date in person or online. If you\u2019re guilty of sending long-drawn-out texts or checking your notifications all day long, you\u2019ll want to consider some healthy boundaries around dating. Make sure to understand your attachment style and learn ways to regulate your emotions throughout the dating process. Taking deep breaths and using helpful thought substitutions are good starting points to calm your nerves.<\/p>\n 7. You\u2019re simply stubborn.<\/strong> If your expectations are sky high and you\u2019re not willing to look at your behaviours, chances are you\u2019ll struggle in the dating scene. It\u2019s important to give people some grace early on and focus on the right qualities of connection. If you\u2019re dating with a laundry list of requirements and you\u2019re not willing to compromise on anything, you\u2019ll find dating will serve you obstacles and very little connection.<\/p>\n Kimberly Hill is a leading Dating & Relationship Coach For Men and the Host of The Self-Confidence Project Podcast<\/strong><\/span><\/a>. You can follow her on Instagram at @kimberlyninahill<\/strong><\/span><\/a>. For more information or to book a complimentary call, click here<\/strong><\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Dating can be one of the most frustrating and challenging aspects of your forties. 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