If you’ve ever gone on a date that felt nice, but not electric, this video is for you. In today’s dating world, chemistry doesn’t happen by luck. It happens through intention, presence, and the way you connect. In this video, I’m breaking down five simple yet powerful shifts that will make your first dates feel more natural, more connected, and a whole lot more memorable. When you apply these tips, you won’t leave wondering whether she felt a spark… you’ll know she did. Watch now and learn how to turn a “nice” date into one she can’t stop thinking about.
P.S. If you’re a man navigating dating after divorce, don’t go it alone. My free masterclass was made for you—learn how to rebuild confidence, attract the right women, and avoid common post-divorce mistakes. Watch it here.
Ready for tailored support? Book your 1:1 dating strategy call with me here and let’s map out your next steps.
See you next week,
Kimberly
Here’s the transcript:
If you’ve ever gone on a first date and you thought to yourself, that was a nice date, it was a nice evening, nice connection, but there wasn’t much of a spark, then this video was gonna be for you. Because connection in today’s age with you going on dates with women, with women going down on dates with men and us having more choice than we did, let’s say 20, 30 years ago.
Real great connection isn’t gonna happen by accident. It happens by having good intention. And today I simply wanna share five simple but powerful tips that are gonna make your first dates feel a lot more natural and a lot more memorable, and way more connected so that you both leave the date thinking, wow.
That’s amazing. I really wanna see this person again, which is the best outcome from a first date. Now, welcome to this channel. My name is Kimberly Hale. I support [00:01:00] goodhearted men to attract deeply loving relationships and to keep those relationships. And this channel talks all about life and dating and relationships, which is.
Online dating apps to meeting women in person, to understanding some of the psychology between how men and women connect into today’s generation, and hopefully you’ve watched some of my prior videos. You understand that. I like to do this with a dose of seriousness, but also some playfulness too, because if we’re not having fun dating, what are we doing?
Now I wanna dive into the very first tip, which is to ditch the small talk. And get good at asking better questions because most people are in a really default pattern of initial communication that we have with people. And that might sound like, so how was your day? So what do you do? And these questions.
Well, they’re very small talk questions and they can be [00:02:00] really big energy killers, especially when people say, oh, like, you know, I didn’t really do much today. Or like, oh, my day wasn’t very good. And so you don’t know what you’re necessarily opening yourself up for when you ask that question. And honestly, when you think about what people usually say to that question, IE, how was your day?
You know what most people say, yeah, it was good. It was fine. So it’s almost like filler. It’s filler conversation. It doesn’t actually lead to anything that’s gonna create that spark that you’re looking for on a first date. So instead, I wanna encourage you to go deeper, and I’m not saying you should ask completely off the cuff random hypothetical questions, like, if you were an animal, what animal would you be?
I know some people talk about going that way with conversation. I don’t want you to do that, so I don’t want you to. Go deeper, and I want you to ask a woman, when you’re on a date with her, what’s something exciting that you’re working on this week? Why? Because the word exciting is what you’re asking [00:03:00] her about.
So you’re going to get her answering about something that lights her up, or you might say, what’s been the highlight of your month so far? These types of questions get women out of this autopilot. And get you out of auto autopilot and they’re gonna help your connection actually stand out. So I had a client that, um, on a date that asked a question to his date about something exciting that she had been working on, and she ended up telling him all about this pottery project she had started.
It’s not his favorite subject in the world, but it lit her up 45 minutes later on that date. They were both laughing like old friends, because that’s how fast connection can happen. When you ask the right questions that gets people out of their shell and actually talking about the things that they love that bring them joy.
The fact that they’re talking about those [00:04:00] things with you, they associate you with that joy. They leave the date feeling like, wow, that’s the best date I’ve. Ever had because I was able to talk about things that I’m passionate about versus go through the motions of a typical first date, typical questions, everything felt like it was on autopilot.
So I really want you to think about, a very simple tip is to ditch the small talk and get good at asking better questions. What’s something exciting you’re working on this week? What’s been the highlight of your month so far? What’s, um. What’s a new project that you’ve, uh, begun in the last little while in your life?
This is gonna bring out a lot more excitement from a woman on your date. That’s gonna lead to a lot more exciting energy between the two of you. Now, tip number two is always to focus on curiosity versus impressing a woman. I have other, other videos where I talk deeply on this subject, but don’t perform guys.[00:05:00]
Dates are not for you to perform. They are for you to connect with women. So you do not need to sell yourself. You do not need to tell a woman all about your accomplishments in life. Um, she’s not there for that. If she is there for that. Then that’s a whole different conversation and different woman and different dynamic.
And that’s not what I talk about here on this channel. I’m talking about women that aren’t just dating men for the number in their bank account, but are dating men because they’re looking for someone to love. They’re looking for, um, romance. They’re looking for someone to be involved in their lives and vice versa.
So they don’t want you to sell yourself. To them, they just want you to be curious so that curiosity can deepen connection. So you wanna ask things like follow ups that make a woman feel really seen. Things like maybe she’s telling you about that silly little pottery project she started and you say.
Because you’re focusing on curiosity, not, [00:06:00] oh, I’m actually, um, really into, uh, pottery myself and I’m probably better than you. You don’t say that. You say, that sounds really fun. What got you into that? And now you’re allowing her to open up about her story of inspiration. And this curiosity builds chemistry faster than even a compliment could.
Oh, what a beautiful piece of pottery you made. She wants to be able to share the part of her life that’s bringing her excitement. With you now when you really think about relationships, isn’t that what most of us just wanna do? We just wanna have someone that loves us and is interested in us. Like I, I think about my partner all the time.
His interests are very varied and some of them are not my own, but the excitement he has when he wants to share something that’s important to him, the excitement he has about wanting to share it with me if every single time he wanted to tell me about. Whatever it is that he’s into that week, that month, that year, I just kind of huffed and puffed, which I do sometimes.
[00:07:00] ’cause admittedly, I’m no perfect person. But there’s other times when I say no, it’s important that I actually dig in and give a shit here. It is important that I choose to give a shit about my partner and what lights them up, even if it’s not my thing. That’s what’s necessary for a long-term relationship to survive.
So to demonstrate that on a first date is really important. And that goes both ways, right? If you share something that’s really exciting in your life that she doesn’t have a lot of familiarity with, it doesn’t mean she’s not gonna wanna know. What inspired you to get into that and the fact that you get to share that joy with her, um, makes the date joyous, makes the connection strong and builds that spark that a lot of people are trying to create on those first dates.
So a man that I was coaching. Um, after we talked a lot about this, he stopped trying to prove himself on every date, and he simply asked women more about their passions and the things that lit them up. And he realized two [00:08:00] things. He realized that the dates he had with women that did have passions, those went from very stiff to really natural dates that floated a lot more.
And the women that he went on dates with, that he asked about their passions that didn’t have any passions. He recognized that those were not the women for him. Because he wanted to know that a woman had things in her life that brought her joy outside of just seeking for, um, a partnership or a man to be the source of all her joy.
So it helped him in two very important ways. Now, tip number three is how can you build micro moments of playfulness on your dates, right? Because chemistry ultimately thrives on. Lightness, playfulness, like having a date with someone where you feel, you know, I wanna spend more time with this person because it was enjoyable, not because it was super, super heavy and we trauma bonded on a first date.
So being playful, um, teasing her gently. I have multiple videos on how to flirt [00:09:00] well. Or sharing an unexpected story, um, can really, and, and not an unexpected story out of nowhere. Something that’s relevant, obviously to these great open questions that you’re asking one another because women will remember how you made them feel.
Not exactly the words that you said. That’s how women work. We remember the feeling of the date. Okay? So if she jokes, let’s say about how she’s always. The eternal optimist and how she’s always like five minutes late to events. You might say, oh, well I’ll make sure to bring a book next time we go out together.
And you wink at her with a smile. You’re being playful. You’re not taking everything so seriously. And that playfulness, you know what it does? It breaks tension and it makes this woman feel relaxed and it’s gonna make her feel drawn to you. Oh, a little. Subtle tasks that this woman didn’t even know she was doing to see how does this man respond to this [00:10:00] one tiny thing that I’m sharing with him that makes me less than perfect?
And if you’re playful back, she realizes this is a safe place to have fun in. And fun leads to attraction, fun, leads to intimacy, et cetera, et cetera. All the things that you’re on a date looking for. Now, tip number four is to share small pieces of your story. Not your whole life story. I see this mistake pretty often with men that I work with that are in their fifties, sixties, or seventies.
Most often I see it with men that are widowed and I look at their dating profiles and they’ve listed their whole life story on there, and it’s just too, too much. It’s, it’s too much to read that much about somebody right from the get go and that. Um, that same premise carries into a first date, so you wanna avoid kind of information dumping your whole life history.
Um. Onto a woman on a first date. Now if you’re older and you’re dating, you might think, well, [00:11:00] maybe I’m sharing my life story ’cause I feel like that’s the most interesting thing about my life. And if that’s the case, then you’ll wanna watch my video I put out last week, which is that it’s, you know, some of the turnoffs that women will have for men, regardless of your age, is if you’re not in motion.
It doesn’t matter if you’re 70 or 80 years old, it doesn’t matter. You still wanna have something that lights you up, that you sink your teeth into, otherwise. What are you offering in terms of excitement and joy to a relationship? And so that’s really, really important. It doesn’t matter what your age is, you need to always be looking for things that build your own life satisfaction and joy because a woman’s always gonna be looking to share a life with you no matter what the age is.
So on a first date, you definitely wanna avoid info dumping your life history. You sprinkle in little stories that kind of start to show who you are. Like, you know, I used to play guitar when I was younger and I stopped for many, many years, but I just started taking guitar again, and obviously it’s really humbling to be a beginner.
Again, something to that effect. It’s short personal stories that ultimately are going to create connection and show [00:12:00] that you have self-awareness and that you’re improving yourself no matter where you are in your life. One of my clients talked about. Um, learning to surf again, and he was in his fifties and he didn’t even live near a beach.
He went, he used to surf and, uh, had been many, many years and he was living in an inner city, and so he found this. What did he find? Like some indoor swimming pool that did like surfing lessons. I can’t even imagine it, but obviously it was just like the old wave pool, but for surfing and, and I just found that so fascinating to like go and do something so different, so joyous.
And as he shared, you know, this, this, uh, personal anecdote with his date, she thought he was the most, uh, confident and attractive thing she’d heard. You know, on any date recently, um, because it showed that this guy was in motion, that’s just naturally attractive. On its own. So I want you to think about, um, sharing small pieces of your story.
Um, because if you are gonna date this [00:13:00] woman, you’re gonna have lots of time to share all these other little bits and bobs throughout your relationship, and you never wanna stop learning about your partner. That’s what makes things super exciting. So, uh, tip number five is to end your date on a high note.
Don’t overstay the date. It’s very often I hear men say. Oh my God, we had such a great date. It rolled into hour 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. We spent like an entire day together. Don’t do that. As tempting as it might be, if, if you’re enjoying spending time with each other that much, then you can, you can do it on the next date.
So you wanna end the date when they’re still good energy. And I’ve talked about this before in a different video. It’s called the Zy Effect. People remember the experiences that leave them wanting more. So, as tempting as it might be, because you’re a man maybe that hasn’t had this connection with a woman for a while, it’s so tempting to wanna spend the entire day with her.
Um, but I want you to be intentional. I want you to say like, I’ve really enjoyed this. I’d love to continue this date with you another [00:14:00] time, and maybe that date is the next day or a, uh, two days out from now. There’s nothing wrong with that, but. You want to leave a woman wanting more first dates can be quite fragile.
They’re two people. It’s a new experience together and it’s tempting to wanna all of a sudden clear your entire day. Be mindful that that’s not always the best sign. If you have absolutely nothing going on in your life outside of dating, that is often a problem in and of itself. So I want you to just say, enjoy yourself.
Have a great time. If your, if your date for drinks rolls into dinner, it’s totally reasonable. But keep your dates two, three hours at a max. End your date on a high note. You both want to want more. That’s what makes things exciting. Post that date is, um, there’s a reason to wanna get together again because the story wasn’t finished and the emotions are still there and the feelings are still there.
So. I have a lot of clients that I [00:15:00] tell to do this to. And, um, and, and, and, and one client in particular I’m thinking about did this. And the woman texted him later saying, um, I, I just like, can’t wait to see you again. Basically, because she still wanted more. But he was like, uh, I gotta work for this. It’s a flirty energy, um, without a doubt.
So I wanted to share these five tips just for things to think about that are really helpful on a first date. Get rid of the auto. Mad small talk, ask better questions. Focus on being curious, not trying to impress a woman. Um, build micro moments of playfulness. And so that’s really talking about teasing and flirtation and things like that.
I have lots of other content that helps you develop that skill. I want you to share small pieces of your story, not the whole book. Especially, by the way, if a woman asks you about your prior marriage or prior divorce or prior relationship, that is not your cue to start spilling your guts. You share small pieces, lessons learned.
I [00:16:00] talk about that too in other videos. And end your date on a high note. That’s such a good note to leave a date on, is when you’re both naturally wanting more, that makes the connection a lot more natural. Post that first date, and a good woman knows she has to work her way into your life. She doesn’t just get to spend the whole weekend with you the very first time she meets you because you have nothing else going on in your life.
She doesn’t have to know what you’re doing or what you’re not doing. But making her think about wanting to spend time with you and almost her, figuring out how she can fight her way into your life is a very, very good place to leave things at. So I hope this was helpful. I just wanted to put out something that was like simple things to think about.
Maybe you just take one of these pieces of advice and apply them on your next date. Maybe you’re realizing that all of ’em. Are relevant to how you wanna be more intentional with dating. Um, ask yourself, which is, which is one of these tips that I, maybe I’m not doing super well and just practice one thing at a [00:17:00] time.
Um, honestly, I just want you guys to enjoy your dates, um, for them not to be overrun, for you to, to genuinely build, um, connection, uh, authentic connection with women. And this is five ways that you can begin to do that. So I hope this was helpful for you. I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments below.
Share this with someone that maybe needs a couple just helpful tips for their dating life. And of course if you’re interested to explore some of, uh, some further work with myself or some of the other products that I have, um, please feel free to book a complimentary call with me. Always happy to hear from you and thanks again for tuning in everyone.
Cia.
