Getting a date doesn’t have to be complicated — but it does require a few things most men aren’t doing. If you’ve been watching this channel and quietly thinking “this advice is great, but I don’t actually have anyone to use it on” this video is for you. Whether you’re re-entering dating after a divorce or a long-term relationship, or you’ve just never had someone break this down plainly, these four things will move you from waiting to actually making something happen.We cover how to position yourself to meet women in real life, why timing matters more than what you say, how to ask in a way that feels natural instead of loaded, and how to use online dating as a tool without overthinking every message. No tactics. No performance. Just a clear, grounded approach to getting the date.
P.S. If you’re a man navigating dating after divorce, don’t go it alone. My free masterclass was made for you—learn how to rebuild confidence, attract the right women, and avoid common post-divorce mistakes. Watch it here.
Ready for tailored support? Book your 1:1 dating strategy call with me here and let’s map out your next steps.
See you next week,
Kimberly
Maybe you’ve been watching this YouTube channel for a little while and somewhere in the back of your mind you’ve thought You know what I like this content but I don’t have a woman I’m dating right now to apply a lot of what Kimberly talks about And that doesn’t mean you’re behind or that you’re broken It just means you might be stuck at the front end of the dating process and there’s not a lot of content about how to get that first date So today we’re gonna fix that because getting a date is a skill and like every skill it can get really rusty especially guys if you’ve been out of the dating game for many years or even a few decades So this video is for the man who is ready to actually start and just needs someone to walk him through it plainly Okay Let’s go Now welcome to this channel My name is Kimberly Hill I’m a dating and relationship coach for men I support goodhearted men to attract deeply loving relationships and go on to maintain those relationships Now if you’re new to this channel and you want somewhere to start I’ve put together a free guide called Why You’re Not
[00:01:00] Finding Love It’s nine chapters It’s very direct If you’ve been wondering why you know you’re struggling with dating or the same patterns keep showing up for you no matter how hard you are trying it’s gonna show you exactly why So go ahead and grab that The link to sign up and get it is in the YouTube description and it is free Now if you’ve been on this channel for a while and you’re past the point of reading about it and you’re ready to actually do the work many of you know that I’ve been doing oneonone work for years and years and years While I am taking a break from oneonone work um but I have put together an exclusive selfpaced program called Dating Mastery for Men that very much mirrors exactly what I do with my clients on a oneonone basis It is built specifically for men wanting to drop the games and attract a deeply loving relationship Men that take this seriously Right It goes places this
[00:02:00] channel does not go and it’s structured to take you from real insight to change You’re gonna find clarity in there on the most frustrating aspects of dating and you’re gonna know exactly what to do about it and you’re gonna feel better about yourself in the process The whole aim of Dating Mastery for Men is to get you to attract a healthy loving relationship That’s what this entire channel is about Now the link to grab Dating Mastery for Men is in the description too But let’s get into today’s video Now ultimately I wanna share four tips that are gonna help you land that first date And the first one should come as no surprise which is you need to be engaged in the world and this comes before everything else and this is why I’m starting here Now a lot of men in this audience You’re coming out of a longterm relationship a separation a divorce and sometimes it’s marriages that have lasted 10 15
[00:03:00] 20 years maybe even longer And when that ends the social world you have can get very small very fast You go to work you come home you see your kids sometimes that’s it Maybe you throw the gym in there the grocery store Here’s the thing You guys know this You can’t meet women from inside of your house We’ll talk about online dating later And I know this sounds obvious but I wanna say it plainly because a lot of men really are passively hoping that the right woman will somehow appear in what’s an already shrinking social circle and she won’t not consistently So what I’m s what I’m not saying guys is you don’t need to all of a sudden become super extroverted or become a social butterfly overnight or you need to force yourself into environments that feel wrong for you That’s crap advice What I am saying is this right now while you’re in this phase of rebuilding
[00:04:00] your life you need to be slightly more engaged than feels comfortable because that is where connection happens So think about where you actually spend your time how much of that is at work or at home and whether those environments are actually putting you in contact with eligible women If the answer is It’s not or It’s not really then that’s very useful information So think about a gym class not just personal training right A recreation league you could join a community course you could sign up for a friend group that you’ve even just let go quiet that you can reengage in These aren’t just hobbies These are the these are ultimately the conditions in which real connection becomes possible So you can relax on all this social building later once dating becomes a normal part of your life again But right now you absolutely need to be engaged and if you’re not this
[00:05:00] is definitely the first place to start Now the second tip to getting a date is to remember that timing of asking a woman out matters far more than the words Of course the words do matter and you don’t wanna say moronic things but men tend to agonize over what to say when they ask a woman out and I wanna redirect that energy for you guys because the words matter far less than when you say them Here is the tip Ask a woman at the height of conversation when there is energy when she is laughing when she’s leaning in and asking you questions back That’s your window and here’s what that looks like in practice Let’s say okay let’s say you’re at a friend’s dinner party And you are seated next to a woman that you don’t know and the two of you get talking
[00:06:00] and she mentions she just got back from Portugal and your eyes light up cause you’re like Oh I’ve been there So the conversation with her catches fire You’re swapping Portugal stories She’s laughing She’s asking where else you have traveled Right here this is your moment not after the dinner when the group has reformed and the energy is dispersing not when you’re both putting on your coats awkwardly right at the end when the host is saying goodbye to you Right there at the height of the conversation when it’s alive that is when you ask her So right in that moment you say You know there’s actually this amazing Portuguese restaurant that I found in town when I had got back from my trip cause I I just you know I had to hunt down a good Portuguese tart Would you wanna check it out sometime She says yes You take your phone out You get her number It’s it’s done It’s clean It’s natural and what it is is completely proportionate to the conversation you just had with this woman The ask of taking her to dinner or asking her if she wants to join you to dinner
[00:07:00] grew directly out of what you were already talking about and this is why it lands so well And many men will miss this window because you’re waiting to feel some kind of ready You’ll think to yourself Well I’ll ask her before I leave the party Um and by that time the moment is gone The energy has shifted and now it feels like a bigger deal than it needed to be And what that a that window actually looks like so you’re not guessing is you’re both engaged you’re making eye contact and she’s contributing to the conversation rather than just responding politely That’s it She’s not looking for some kind of exit You’re having a good chat and of course there’s no guarantee There’s no guarantees in life for anything but this is your biggest green light and when things are good ask when things are good That’s ultimately the biggest lesson here Now the third tip guys is when you do ask her
[00:08:00] and there’s other contexts in which you’re gonna ask somebody not just at a dinner party keep the ask casual and this is where a lot of men end up I guess I call it overengineering it So by the time you have decided to ask a woman out you’ve built it up into something enormous in your own mind and because it feels enormous in your own mind you kinda deliver it to the woman you wanna ask out that way So it comes across weighty with ceremony with stakes attached to it and the woman on the receiving end of it can feel that energy She doesn’t know exactly what it is but there’s something there where she goes like Uh no it feels awkward or uncomfortable So a casual ask isn’t about playing it cool or it’s not about you know being super stoic or hiding your feelings It’s just about keeping the interaction proportionate to where you actually are with this woman So let’s just go back to that dinner party example You’re midconversation things are flowing easily She just laughed
[00:09:00] at something you said Here’s what you don’t say You know I was kinda just wondering and tell me if this is weird but I would really love to take you out for dinner sometime if y you know you’d be open to that No That’s too much weight for where you are She can feel all this effort It’s gonna create a lot of this pressure Here’s an example of what you do say You know I really enjoyed talking with you We should grab coffee sometime You take out your phone and you ask her number That’s it It’s warm it’s direct it’s completely lowkey You’re not proposing you’re not auditioning you’re just extending a natural next step And here’s the one thing about a casual ask If you get a no to it it makes it far more survivable If you’ve treated the ask like a minor thing because it is relative to your whole life then her answer lands in proportion to that If you get a
[00:10:00] no it doesn’t confirm your worst fears about yourself It’s just one woman one moment one answer Directness without the drama That is what you’re going for Hey do you wanna grab coffee sometime Hey I’d love to grab a dinner sometime Pull out your phone Very very casual You’re not fussed or bothered if it doesn’t work out and it has to be a true feeling for you which is why it’s better to ask quickly in the height of conversation than wait weeks or months with your eye on a woman building up this idea of this relationship for her to then say no to your ask and you have already invested weeks of emotional energy into this wom woman That makes the no far less survivable Now the fourth tip I have for you guys is if you are using online dating use it well Online dating is one channel It’s not the only channel It is a
[00:11:00] legitimate one A lotta people meet online and it’s especially helpful for men who are postdivorce and rebuilding their social world as well So the problem is a lotta men either avo avoid going online entirely or you’re using it and you’ve approached it in a way that doesn’t really work for the women you’re trying to attract And then you conclude that online dating doesn’t work You throw your phone and apps away and you haven’t given it the right approach So there’s two things to get right here Your profile needs to truly represent you not the version of you from 15 years ago not photos of you half cutting out your exwife Not a highlight reel that’s so polished that no real woman can connect with you Okay That means overengineered photos tons of photo shoots with a photographer who has you overposing I’ve had a
[00:12:00] lot of men I’ve worked with show me professional photos that they’ve taken and I’ve probably to their surprise said Let’s not use them and get way more relaxed casual photos So sometimes you’re investing a lot of money in photos that aren’t actually the ones you should be using You want current photos So if you don’t have anything going on in your life or haven’t done anything enjoyable in the last six months maybe that sh should be where your focus is versus getting online Because you want current photos you want a bio that sounds like a human wrote it okay And you want something You want to write stuff specific enough that a woman reading it can picture that this is your real life Now if you really struggle with the online dating component um in my Dating Mastery for Men course there is so much content that is gonna help guide you to build the right kind of profile to attract the right kind of women So if you’re really struggling in that area I highly
[00:13:00] recommend um looking into Dating Mastery for Men But what you also need to remember is once you’ve got a profile live you’re sending some likes you’re sending some opening messages and you do get into a conversation with a woman Don’t overengineer it Here’s a rough shape of what actually works So a woman mentions in her profile this is a common example right She likes hiking So you open with something specific I saw that you’re into hiking Do you often stick to local trails or do you travel for it Not Hey and not a paragraph Okay so I’ve seen the mistake made where especially I gotta say like more more so more so postdivorced men using matchcom will send like a big almost bio of themselves as the introduction Hi my name is John This is what I do This is like a little bit about my life That’s not the way to start a connection these days
[00:14:00] One genuine question tied to something real is a r a great way to open or a statement that can elicit a response from people and I explain elicitation statements more in my course But so the woman responds You have a brief exchange maybe three or four messages each You get a small sense of who this woman is Then relatively quickly you move towards meeting I really enjoyed chatting Would you wanna grab coffee this week That’s it It’s very casual The app is not the destination The date is the destination So sometimes men spend a lot more time texting because they’re just uncomfortable about suggesting a meeting and they’re usually doing this you guys know you’re doing this to manage your own anxiety You’re like Am I even ready to date You’re not maybe even asking these questions but you feel it in your body You’re like I don’t know if I’m ready to date I know I I I I What am I gonna do if she says yes What am I gonna do if she says no And so the longer it
[00:15:00] goes the more it fades out and then the harder it feels to ask her so you don’t and then you think she ghosts you or you ghost her and you think online dating doesn’t work for me Well keep it short keep it warm and get to the actual coffee or dinner Now one more thing If you’ve gone through a divorce and you haven’t dated in a while online dating can feel really What’s the word for it It can feel bizarre Okay Um maybe even a little demoralizing and to be honest that’s a pretty normal adjustment It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong It just means you’re new to a particular medium and that it will get easier with some exposure So it feels a little clunky or awkward in the beginning That’s okay You’re not expected to know how to just get on there and do things perfectly so give yourself some patience some kindness some grace And I wanna come back to where I started
[00:16:00] Getting a date is a skill Skills get rusty and coming back to this after years away from ever asking a woman out for anything is not a sign that something is wrong with you Just a sign that you were in a long relationship and now you’re not and now you’re figuring out the next chapter That’s not shameful guys That’s just what this looks like That’s a normal progression So be in the world Ask at the right moment Keep it casual and use the tools that are available to you and use them well Now before I go firstly thank you for your time And of course guys if something has landed for you today start with the free guide that um I’ve created for you guys and the link to get instant access to that is in the show notes And I’ll see you guys all next week Ciao.
