If you’re a good man who keeps ending up with the wrong women, even though it feels so good in the beginning, I want you to hear this: it’s not because you’re foolish, or weak, or bad at this. It happens to genuinely great men, especially after a divorce or a painful split. And here’s the part most people miss: you rarely actually miss these red flags. You see them. You just quietly explain them away. In this episode I break down how that happens. How grief, loneliness, and a bruised confidence can hijack even a great man’s judgment and the specific warning signs good men talk themselves out of the most. Most importantly, I share how to stop, because the only thing worse than being alone is being trapped with the wrong person. Only you can change your cycle with women.
This is for good-hearted men dating after divorce or a long-term relationship who want a genuinely loving connection, not just another date.
Red flags in dating • red flags men ignore • dating after divorce for men • settling in relationships • how loneliness affects dating • choosing the wrong partner
Links and Free Resources:
1. Free Guide: “Why You’re Not Finding Love (And The Inner Shift that Changes Everything)” → https://datingcoach.kimberlyninahill.com/findinglove/
2. Dating After Divorce? Get The Relationship You Want with Dating Mastery for Men → https://datingcoach.kimberlyninahill.com/dating-mastery-for-men/
3. Audio Masterclass: Relax and Enjoy Conversations With Women Here → https://datingcoach.kimberlyninahill.com/10tipsmasterclass/
If you’re a good guy that continues to end up with the wrong women in dating, even though your connections feel really good in the beginning, I’m gonna tell you something right away. It’s not because you’re foolish, or because you’re weak, or because you’re somehow bad at this. This happens to genuinely great men, good men, smart men, self-aware men, especially to men who are dating again after a divorce or a painful split.
And today I wanna show you exactly how this happens, and the specific warning signs that good men talk themselves out of. Because here’s the thing, you are rarely missing these red flags. You’ll see them, you’ll just explain them away. And by the end of today’s episode, you’re gonna understand why you do that, and how you can stop doing that.
Because I get it, this is a human thing. Many of us do it, but only you can change your [00:01:00] cycle with women, and that’s ultimately what you’re here for. You’re here because you wanna attract a healthy, loving, long-term relationship. So let’s do that together. Now, of course, welcome to this channel. My name is Kimberly Hill.
I’m a dating and relationship coach for men. I support good-hearted men to attract and keep deeply loving relationships. Now, if you’re new here and you want somewhere to start, I put together a free guide called Why You’re Not Finding Love. It’s nine chapters. It’s quite direct. It’s very insightful information, so if you’re struggling with dating and you want a place to start, I really recommend checking this out.
Now, if you’re already past the point of kind of reading about, you know, dating information or watching these videos even, and you really wanna dive in and do the work on yourself so you can have the relationship you want, then I’ve built a program called Dating Mastery for Men. It is built specifically for men that are navigating the dating world after a divorce or after a split that felt very, um, you know, very meaningful to you, and it’s gonna [00:02:00] go places this channel doesn’t go.
It’s gonna really walk you through how to feel way better about yourself, attract the kind of woman you truly wanna have in your life, and maintain a loving, intimate relationship. So you can learn more about that as well. Now, let’s get into today’s content because, you know, many of us As good intended as we are about saying, “I wanna get out there and date really intentionally and find the right person,” our emotions get in the way, and we can rationalize poor behavior.
But once you can understand what’s going on here, you can interrupt this. Now, after any divorce or any kinda split, the truth is you are grieving. Even if you felt like you grieved years before the marriage ended, you’re still grieving. Your nervous system is still grieving, and you’ll probably experience a little bit of loneliness as well.
Now, a lot of great men that I’ve spoken to over the years have also admitted to me that their self-esteem and their confidence in their [00:03:00] own abilities with women have taken a real hit, maybe a bigger one than they’re even wanting to admit out loud. And in that state, when you do date again, and you meet a beautiful woman who’s giving you attention, that being wanted again feels like a lifeline, feels like oxygen.
So your judgment about this woman isn’t failing because you’re stupid, right? It’s getting hijacked. When love and connection feels scarce to us, our nervous system will quietly downgrade our standards to protect the one piece of relief that it has finally found in this date or in this woman. And so you start negotiating against yourself.
I’ve been there, and many of my clients have been there, and that’s the key to all of this. You’re not actually missing the warning signs. You notice them, and then [00:04:00] the loneliness you’re experiencing or the good bit of dopamine you’re getting from this new connection talks you out of those flags. So today, I’m gonna name the five ones that I see great men talking themselves out of the most, and I guarantee you you’re gonna connect to at least one of these five, if not all five of them.
Now, the first red flag that great men ignore is that you are choosing physical excitement, okay, over the qualities that actually matter for the long term. Now, naturally, this happens to a lot of us, okay? So the chemistry might feel electric. The attraction with this woman is intense, and so you let it drown out everything else ’cause it just feels too good to be practical right now.
Um, but the questions you need to be asking yourself: well, is this woman kind? Is she stable? Do I even like who she is as a person outside of the intimacy we might be [00:05:00] having? And those questions get quietly shoved aside because the excitement Feels so good after so many years without it, and I understand that pull completely.
But I’ll be honest with you, choosing the heat over character almost always comes back to bite you in the butt. Chemistry fades, but who this woman is doesn’t fade. Now, flag number two is that you’ll tolerate inconsistency from a woman you’re dating because you believe you don’t have any other options.
So a woman is hot and cold. She cancels on you. She disappears on you. She gives you a fraction of what you’re giving her, and you accept this quietly. And underneath this acceptance is usually one of two beliefs. Either this is honestly the best that you can do, or you’re just [00:06:00] simply terrified that nobody else is out there, and if you let her go, that’s it.
You’re doomed. You’re never gonna find anybody again. But those are lies that loneliness tells you. Because when you’re convinced that a woman is your only option, of course you’re gonna put up with a bunch of bullshit treatment that you would never accept from a woman if you truly felt you had more choice.
And a woman who is inconsistent while she’s dating you rarely becomes more consistent once she has you. Now, flag number three, guys, is you rush towards the future, and we do this, or you do this because you’re so excited that something is finally happening for you. So maybe it’s three weeks into dating a woman, and you’re already excited about maybe moving in with her or meeting her kids or just planning out the rest of your lives.
And I get it. After coming out of a divorce or a long-term relationship, we have this loneliness and these feelings of, [00:07:00] “Well, I’m really used to being with somebody, and so I’ve met a woman, and she’s great. I just wanna be with her. I wanna be with her in the same pattern that I was familiar with with my ex-wife.
I’m just upgrading to what I consider a more attractive or a better woman.” But the relief of a real connection can make you want to lock it in really quickly, and we feel really anxious navigating these unknown months before, you know, we really know somebody and really decide to commit to one another.
But when you rush all of this, you skip past the part of really finding out who this woman is. And my partner has some sage advice, and he had this sage advice to me when I said to him in the beginning of us dating, I said, “Well, why did you keep telling me you wanted to, like, move things slowly?” And he looked at me dead in the eye, and he said, “Because women can hide their crazy for three months.”
And I was like, “Okay, fair point.” I’m not saying all women are crazy. Guys are crazy, too. You know what I mean. It’s that [00:08:00] he knew even though he had strong feelings for me, that he didn’t wanna make a massive commitment in the first three weeks. He wanted to ride it out and see who I was across time as the relationship developed, and that is a wise thing to do.
He just said it in a funny way. And real relationships, they can handle time. It’s only the wrong relationships that need you to commit really early before you’ve had a chance to see who this person is clearly. Now- How many of these flags are you guys tracking? Because we’re on flag number four, which is you see poor character from the woman you’re dating, but you’re only paying attention to how she’s treating you.
So maybe you do go out to a fancy restaurant, and you notice that she’s a little bit rude to the waiter, or she kinda tr- talks kind of like shit about some of her friends behind their back, or you notice she’s dishonest in really small ways. Um, y- but you kind of excuse them away because she’s treating you [00:09:00] wonderfully.
And so you’re like, “Well, these things don’t really matter because what matters is how she’s treating me.” But how a person, man or woman, treats somebody who cannot do anything for them is who they truly are. So the way a woman treats you in the beginning is the very best it will ever be, and the way she treats everyone else is the preview of your future.
So weigh it up accordingly. And flag number five, guys, is you override your own gut and your own instincts. And we all do this because, man, we just want that person to be with us on a Friday night, and we just really wanna have someone to take to our friend’s wedding, or we just wanna go to brunch with this good-looking woman.
But there’s that quiet, persistent feeling, and you all know it, in your gut it says, “Something isn’t right here. Something [00:10:00] is off here.” You can’t quite put it into words, so you just talk yourself out of it. And loneliness is remarkably good at silencing your intuition because it doesn’t want you to walk away from the connection you have found.
But that gut feeling is so important to tune into. It’s actually your deeper unconscious and deeper mind noticing something that maybe a lonely heart doesn’t want to see. And so you don’t have to act on your gut rashly or immediately, but please don’t ignore that your body has wisdom and knows that something isn’t right.
